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Coming out / disclosing

Deleted User

Not long after my diagnosis I told a handful of people at work about it, people I’m relatively close to (in work terms) and that has been okay.

But as I have become more aware of what challenges me, I have found masking with other coworkers more and more frustrating. Having to either suffer unnecessarily or justify myself to people.

I’ve been close to another full on burnout for a couple of months and I know if something doesn’t change, I’ll end up having another extended absence.

So it feels like the risks of “coming out” are now outweighed by the risks of not.

Have any of you “gone public” at work and, if so, how did it go? Am I about to commit an act of liberation or self-sabotage?

Parents

  • I'm now retired, but I "went public" in my last job. I told management and just a couple of colleagues I was close to at first and they were fine, but it took some time before I told others. Some were surprised, some just accepted it or said oh yeah, I have a relative who's autistic, some sort of just ignored it and carried on talking about something else. I decided to be open about it to raise awareness, because I'm pretty sure nobody would have guessed it about me.

    I decided to try to stop masking and people pleasing, I told people if I struggled with things (such as not being comfortable in a large group or noisy atmospheres, if I was invited to a social event) and I pointed out that people on the spectrum have strengths that allistic people don't have, and vice versa, so a mix of the two makes a good team.

    For me, being more myself seemed to help me create stronger bonds with my colleagues. There were a few people who had said how good I was at my job, so maybe some of the others felt better knowing that I also had fallibilities, or maybe they liked me more because I seemed more authentic or more relaxed. 

    It worked ok for me, but it depends on the people you work with and how they react. 

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  • I'm now retired, but I "went public" in my last job. I told management and just a couple of colleagues I was close to at first and they were fine, but it took some time before I told others. Some were surprised, some just accepted it or said oh yeah, I have a relative who's autistic, some sort of just ignored it and carried on talking about something else. I decided to be open about it to raise awareness, because I'm pretty sure nobody would have guessed it about me.

    I decided to try to stop masking and people pleasing, I told people if I struggled with things (such as not being comfortable in a large group or noisy atmospheres, if I was invited to a social event) and I pointed out that people on the spectrum have strengths that allistic people don't have, and vice versa, so a mix of the two makes a good team.

    For me, being more myself seemed to help me create stronger bonds with my colleagues. There were a few people who had said how good I was at my job, so maybe some of the others felt better knowing that I also had fallibilities, or maybe they liked me more because I seemed more authentic or more relaxed. 

    It worked ok for me, but it depends on the people you work with and how they react. 

Children
  • in reply to Lotus
    Lotus said:
    For me, being more myself seemed to help me create stronger bonds with my colleagues

    I think one of the biggest reasons I have struggled to build close relationships with people is that it’s very difficult to form a bond with a facade. Masking lets me operate more or less normally in society but it hasn’t helped me make true friendships.

    So maybe it’s time I took a chance, and let people decide whether or not they like the real me.

    If nothing else they’ll understand why I struggle with long meetings, hate noise and have a limited social battery.