Newly diagnosed AuDHD

Similar story here, similar age. I was diagnosed with Aspergers around ten years ago but back then there wasn't as many communities out there, nothing on YouTube etc, I was ashamed of it so I carried on masking, kind of unconscious as it was so normal to me I didn't realise I was doing it. Couldn't understand why I was experiencing workplace bullying (masking didn't always work, I made a lot of mistakes), panic attacks, anxiety, insomnia, exhaustion - what I now know was burnout but I ignored it for so long it led to a mental breakdown. I left my job, now recovering, trying to unmask and be more authentic, but it's difficult, like some sort of identity crisis. That's why I came on here, to meet likeminded people. Just thought I'd reply, like others have, to say you're not alone, a lot of people are going through this. Especially those who grew up in the 90s or earlier and had no support at school, undiagnosed and unrecognised. I'd advise you to do all the things I didn't do: educate yourself about your diagnosis and accept it. No more masking because it destroys us on the inside, try to embrace your identity and know your social limits.

Thank you. I have been doing a lot of research and listening to audio books etc. identity crisis is absolutely right....at first I was flippant about having it, putting on almost a ditsy persona but quickly realised that was just another mask.

Some days I cry and think I don't want to live like this, some days I just quietly do my own thing.

I have hidden myself away though. I don't go to the shop, town, out of the house really as I'm in such a fragile state.

Rumination and RSD are the worst for me.

I can't tell you how much I'm dreading Christmas but I have to face people at some point....Rather not though! 

I know if I don't unmask I will be so much worse off but it's such an odd thing to completely change your personality to people. God help me....

We are in exactly the same place, it is so hard to be real when we don't even know what real is. I have also hidden away but feel so lonely. What I would love is to be around people who just accept me, where I can just relax and be authentic without having to think about it. I'm sure there are people like that out there but I don't know where to find them. I think I'm very tainted by my previous experience at work that I don't trust easily. Christmas is also a real dread right now. Keep talking on here, from what I've seen, it's a supportive environment.

I know this feeling. I would love to get back what I had before twenty years of workplace hell. I was quirky, weird, unmasked enough not to be totally drained, and I had a group of friends who, looking back, were also very ND. None of us knew it though. It was a happy time full of laughter and enjoyment. Work destroyed me and it's hard to get back to what I had before. I have my husband, but I would love an accepting social group, even an accepting workplace. It's a myth that autistic people don't want to socialise, we do, just with the right people. I want to work, I want to have a life, but it always seems so difficult. Sorry you're going through this too.

I know this feeling. I would love to get back what I had before twenty years of workplace hell. I was quirky, weird, unmasked enough not to be totally drained, and I had a group of friends who, looking back, were also very ND. None of us knew it though. It was a happy time full of laughter and enjoyment. Work destroyed me and it's hard to get back to what I had before. I have my husband, but I would love an accepting social group, even an accepting workplace. It's a myth that autistic people don't want to socialise, we do, just with the right people. I want to work, I want to have a life, but it always seems so difficult. Sorry you're going through this too.