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Newly diagnosed AuDHD

Katie_m_web86

Hi, I'm a 38yr old female. Just formally diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I'm currently in burnout from being undiagnosed for so long, I reached my limit mentally.

I now realise that unconscious masking, unbearable rumination and rejection sensitivity disphoria have been destroying me. I was always told I had an anxiety disorder but I knew there was more to it.

I feel so fragile that I don't know where to start. I'll be doing coaching with my assessment team but in the meantime how am I supposed to be around people?...not that I have friends....just family/work people.

I don't know how it can work, people have known me a certain way for so long, how can I all of a sudden present as totally different? I feel I've trapped myself in someone I'm not and I'm stuck there.

Any advice would be appreciated as I don't know a single other neurodivergent person.

Parents

  • Hi Katie, I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, at the age of 52, and even after all that time I am still working through it.

    You’ll need time to come to terms with your past, decide how you want to proceed and figure out who to even tell. I found that most people were extremely uninterested, which was quite deflating as it’s such a major thing for me.

    But it’s only in the last month or two that I’ve slowly started to mask less at work and, as I am also on the verge of burnout again, have only now decided that it’s time to “come out”, stop the pretending and finally be myself. That won’t happen overnight though.

    So i guess what I’m saying is that you will need a lot of time to process it all and decide what to do. But there are lots of people here who have been through this and we’d be happy to talk through with you.

Reply

  • Hi Katie, I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, at the age of 52, and even after all that time I am still working through it.

    You’ll need time to come to terms with your past, decide how you want to proceed and figure out who to even tell. I found that most people were extremely uninterested, which was quite deflating as it’s such a major thing for me.

    But it’s only in the last month or two that I’ve slowly started to mask less at work and, as I am also on the verge of burnout again, have only now decided that it’s time to “come out”, stop the pretending and finally be myself. That won’t happen overnight though.

    So i guess what I’m saying is that you will need a lot of time to process it all and decide what to do. But there are lots of people here who have been through this and we’d be happy to talk through with you.

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User

    I was diagnosed in May this year so maybe six months or so ahead of Katie. What I can say is like most things, it gets better with time. My situation was very similar. I'd always known I was 'different' but never really knew anything about neurodiversity until I got bounced into a diagnosis after a mental health meltdown. I'm very lucky because I work in an industry with support and access to healthcare professionals, although I did have to go private and pay for my own diagnosis. It's probably the best thing I've ever done and it's answered so many questions for me. I haven't made it widely known as yet and I'm not sure what completely 'unmasking' might mean for me but I'm now coming round to the realisation that I should embrace it fully. One thing that has helped me is to focus on the positive aspects of autism - there are plenty - while trying to suppress the negatives (anxiety and RSD are an absolute b*stard, to be honest). For many months after my diagnosis I was a bit numb - wondering round in a daze and it's only this week that I've summoned up the courage to read it again. The good thing is that knowledge of ASD and ADHD is growing within society and there is help and support out there.