Struggle to feel wanted

I get this, i struggle to feel wanted, accepted, part of anything. Even when I know I am, I still have an inner conflicted view which can spil any sense of belonging for me.

Recently looked up RSD after it being mentioned that I show all the signs, I think that explains a lot. Possibly trying too hard go fit in and avoid rejection to just go with it. But the root cause in my opinion is a combination of knowing I'm different, having low self esteem , over analysing everything and often reading negative into things, catastrophising and so on.

I always felt like I was watching the herd from a distance and when I was amongst it I was somehow aware of it rather than part of it, like I was tuned into a hidden frequency, if that makes any sense at all?!!

That makes quite a lot of sense.  For me it's, without a doubt,a product of the bullying related  trauma.

That makes quite a lot of sense.  For me it's, without a doubt,a product of the bullying related  trauma.

I Definitely wouldn't underestimate PTSD now I've had some therapy and talked about things in an objective way, I realise just how much past events , even ones from when I was a child have shaped me and stayed with me.

But... It's definitely never too late because I have started dealing with some of it with some success recently and I turned 50 this year so it was a long time ago...