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Making Friends as an Adult

Paraducks

This is, perhaps, not the best place to ask this question but maybe if we bang rocks together we can make sparks.

It feels like when you're an adult, your opportunities for socialising in general begin to fall off a cliff-edge. I was having a chat with my parents about it recently, and they expressed a similar sentiment: "Most of my friends are from work. I don't really have the time to look for new ones anymore." It feels like that's where I am at right now, twenty odd years earlier than them in the timeline. 

I was curious if that is the experience many of our older folks on this forum experienced as well? Obviously the struggles of being Autistic doesn't help our case in any way, but I can't help but think this might be a universal issue among people just in general now that so many of our relationships are conducted through the screen. (Heck, i'm even asking for help online right now!)

I'm happy to bring up where I think Autism plays a role in this in replies, but i'm curious on how people try to make friends once they have left higher education. (College/Uni)

Parents

  • In my case, I gave up trying to make friends decades ago. I was diagnosed when I went to university aged 30. I knew I struggled with normal social skills, so the diagnosis helped, but I immediately put that under wraps - I would need to compete in the job market later.  I was lucky I studied at Imperial College London, where the emphasis was on getting the degree and not socialising or joining things. My classmates were 12 years younger than me and that would otherwise be additionally difficult for me. In my career as an IT analyst, I spent most of the time working in foreign countries where I was not expected to join in things. When I had a contract in UK, I felt so different and miserable. "Dress-down Fridays" were the worse. I know how to wear a suit and tie, but what do I wear on Fridays?  I was told I need to be "smart-casual" - what is that? Some of my colleagues showing off the Kalvin-Klein shoelaces...  Look at this shirt - only £99.. How do I begin to relate to that.  When I am not working I photograph insects and take Coursera courses in subjects like "Biochemical Principles of Energy Metabolism". At aged 70 I realised I have no friends. Local people in the doggy park are pleasant to me. For me, that is enough, I am tired.

  • in reply to Taki London

    You have my sympathies. I went to University for the first time at 25, and felt the same way as you when I first arrived. I think I had it a bit easier thanks to the Internet allowing me to find a group of close friends I could play D&D with within my first month of arriving at University. 

    Working through scenarios like a social butterfly at work, especially working in foreign cultures, is never easy. My policy here in Thailand is just to be myself and then if people speak up, then I will acquiesce or assert my case when it is necessary. For example, I wear a hat at work all the time to avoid straining my eyes and I keep a beard despite it being something you never see a Thai person sporting. No one has picked me up on these things, and I never make a point of showing that i'm better than them, so life goes on as normal.

    I'm glad you've managed to find something that leaves you feeling content.

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  • in reply to Taki London

    You have my sympathies. I went to University for the first time at 25, and felt the same way as you when I first arrived. I think I had it a bit easier thanks to the Internet allowing me to find a group of close friends I could play D&D with within my first month of arriving at University. 

    Working through scenarios like a social butterfly at work, especially working in foreign cultures, is never easy. My policy here in Thailand is just to be myself and then if people speak up, then I will acquiesce or assert my case when it is necessary. For example, I wear a hat at work all the time to avoid straining my eyes and I keep a beard despite it being something you never see a Thai person sporting. No one has picked me up on these things, and I never make a point of showing that i'm better than them, so life goes on as normal.

    I'm glad you've managed to find something that leaves you feeling content.

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