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Making Friends as an Adult

Paraducks

This is, perhaps, not the best place to ask this question but maybe if we bang rocks together we can make sparks.

It feels like when you're an adult, your opportunities for socialising in general begin to fall off a cliff-edge. I was having a chat with my parents about it recently, and they expressed a similar sentiment: "Most of my friends are from work. I don't really have the time to look for new ones anymore." It feels like that's where I am at right now, twenty odd years earlier than them in the timeline. 

I was curious if that is the experience many of our older folks on this forum experienced as well? Obviously the struggles of being Autistic doesn't help our case in any way, but I can't help but think this might be a universal issue among people just in general now that so many of our relationships are conducted through the screen. (Heck, i'm even asking for help online right now!)

I'm happy to bring up where I think Autism plays a role in this in replies, but i'm curious on how people try to make friends once they have left higher education. (College/Uni)

Parents

  • Doing a bit of a larger reply since multiple people have hit the point of Hobby Groups. I think that is a valid way to get out of the rut, I am just struggling to find something genuinely engaging to consider looking into. 

    Half of it is my own fault. I'm currently working in Thailand for the next 4 months, so there's not a lot I can do in finding those connections back home in the UK yet. I would like to actively look into finding something new to have as a special interest but I am struggling to find something that appeals to me. My previous major interest was in Card Games, which has become difficult for me to pursue due to a terrible decision that I am suffering the mental repercussions of. 

    While in Thailand, I have found that I enjoy walking a moderate amount as a way to clear my head from stress. I went hiking in the Jungles during my break from work and aside from having probably some of the worst clothing, and an overpacked bag, it was a fun experience to go through. I'm not sure if there is much overlap between Autistic people and hiking, particularly in England where our home is mostly flat besides places like the Peak or Lake District which are very dependent on you living in a particular location. 

    I'm happy to look into other things; i'm just not sure where to start. I liked watching disney/pixar movies a lot with my ex, but that was part of the experience of being in a relationship rather than something I would seek out on my own terms. 

    For those of you who found a Hobby Group, what did you find and how did you start out?

Reply

  • Doing a bit of a larger reply since multiple people have hit the point of Hobby Groups. I think that is a valid way to get out of the rut, I am just struggling to find something genuinely engaging to consider looking into. 

    Half of it is my own fault. I'm currently working in Thailand for the next 4 months, so there's not a lot I can do in finding those connections back home in the UK yet. I would like to actively look into finding something new to have as a special interest but I am struggling to find something that appeals to me. My previous major interest was in Card Games, which has become difficult for me to pursue due to a terrible decision that I am suffering the mental repercussions of. 

    While in Thailand, I have found that I enjoy walking a moderate amount as a way to clear my head from stress. I went hiking in the Jungles during my break from work and aside from having probably some of the worst clothing, and an overpacked bag, it was a fun experience to go through. I'm not sure if there is much overlap between Autistic people and hiking, particularly in England where our home is mostly flat besides places like the Peak or Lake District which are very dependent on you living in a particular location. 

    I'm happy to look into other things; i'm just not sure where to start. I liked watching disney/pixar movies a lot with my ex, but that was part of the experience of being in a relationship rather than something I would seek out on my own terms. 

    For those of you who found a Hobby Group, what did you find and how did you start out?

Children
  • in reply to Paraducks

    don't know where to start here.  just joined, late diag aspy... no hobbies few real friends...angst going anywhere social, or far away, in the city,etc.  When people, women and men, are friendly never know if its sexual or trying to sell me something or  just being friendly.  very very frustrating...and lonely

  • in reply to Paraducks

    A hiking/walking group sounds like a good place to start! You absolutely can hike on the flat, it's just a different experience from hill walking, for instance maybe taking in local landmarks or walking to places of historical interest.

    Are you ok with social media places like FB? Perhaps while you are still abroad, you could join a FB group of a walking group near the place where you will be staying.

    Let them know you will be moving to the area and are looking to get some info about walks in the area. Chatting with group members online would also help with meeting in person when you move there.

    I like walks too, but I'm not part of a group. I tend to just go myself or with a few friends. Even if I'm going to the same places again, it's nice to see how they change with the seasons.

    The hobby group I am a part of is a craft one at my local library. The library info board can be a good place to see what is on offer in your area. They also sometimes run social coffee groups once a month for people who want to meet new people.

    I like arts and making things, so there is a local studio that is offering messy art classes on a fortnightly basis. I might also go along to those, not for the purpose of making friends, but just because it's something I want to do. Is there a class or workshop you would be interested in doing?

    Anyway, hope some of this helps.