It’s been a long hard week. I went shopping on Wednesday, something I try my best to avoid because people normally make small talk with me when I’m waiting in the queue at the till. On Wednesday someone did just that, my worst nightmare come true, I was standing there wishing the ground would swallow me…
I have always struggled with talking to people. I find it difficult making conversation with my own family let alone a complete stranger saying about the weather. I must sound so rude because I spend a lot of time wishing I could talk to people normally. I’ve even Googled it lol but to no avail.
When it comes to people I can’t communicate the way they do.
When someone does talk to me like mentioning the weather my brain completely freezes. I get hundreds of thoughts fly through my head of what I could respond but my mouth suddenly stops working. I want to speak but it’s like my brain has frozen or shutdown… I’m there but the lights are all off. Sometimes I do manage a yes or no but that is rare, it’s more normal for me to stand in silence, pretending I didn’t hear the person but I know how rude that looks.
All this has caused me so much social anxiety and makes me afraid to be near people because I know if they want to talk to me I can’t.
One of these days I am hoping the ground will swallow me when this happens as it’s distressing for me and always as embarrassing as it sounds.
