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Making Small Talk

Pru

It’s been a long hard week. I went shopping on Wednesday, something I try my best to avoid because people normally make small talk with me when I’m waiting in the queue at the till. On Wednesday someone did just that, my worst nightmare come true, I was standing there wishing the ground would swallow me…

I have always struggled with talking to people. I find it difficult making conversation with my own family let alone a complete stranger saying about the weather. I must sound so rude because I spend a lot of time wishing I could talk to people normally. I’ve even Googled it lol but to no avail.

When it comes to people I can’t communicate the way they do.

When someone does talk to me like mentioning the weather my brain completely freezes. I get hundreds of thoughts fly through my head of what I could respond but my mouth suddenly stops working. I want to speak but it’s like my brain has frozen or shutdown… I’m there but the lights are all off. Sometimes I do manage a yes or no but that is rare, it’s more normal for me to stand in silence, pretending I didn’t hear the person but I know how rude that looks.

All this has caused me so much social anxiety and makes me afraid to be near people because I know if they want to talk to me I can’t.

One of these days I am hoping the ground will swallow me when this happens as it’s distressing for me and always as embarrassing as it sounds.

  • in reply to Martin

    That's interesting, thanks for sharing this, feel it could be something I could do or at least attempt for myself.

  • There's small talk and small talk. Group banter is definitely not my cup of tea. It all seems like some kind of a game. 

    Then there are individuals who want to make innocuous conversation about something. In the UK that's the weather very often, though things are catching up where I am, because the weather is doing such strange things. Winters here used to be long with days and weeks of snow and ice, now snow is rare. Summers meanwhile are getting hotter. Weather sensitivity is seen as real here, in the UK you'd be seen as neurotic if you believe fronts can affect you physically and mentally.

    But there can be safety in small talk. There are those individuals who think it's OK to start asking really personal questions, or there are instant clashes over politics and religious beliefs. 

  • in reply to Pru

    I have developed little 'scripts' about various weather conditions. So I have a fund of phrases available: 'It's really cold, but at least it's sunny', 'It's coming down like stair-rods, I'm glad I brought an umbrella!' Things like that, so that I don't need to think about how to reply, I can just trot something appropriate out.

  • in reply to Pru

    Yeah its hard work trying to fit in.   For neuro typical people going to the barbers/hairdressers is a simple task I'm sure they don't worry and fret about it.  For me its an Ordeal it even can feel torturous at times.

  • in reply to Moonshadow

    I have a salon I go to in my town and the small talking is the worst. The lady who does my hair is called Lily and she talks and talks, I just answer yes and no or shake my head. Grin I was the same at school, hanging with the girls and smiling and nodding trying to fit in but never really fitting in. I was just there trying to figure out how to do what they were doing.

  • in reply to Martin
    Martin said:
    I do not make small talk naturally, but have mastered the ability to do so when the alternative is worse.

    This is what I am working towards for myself. I don't know if I will ever master it but even being a bit better at it would be a win for me.

  • Personally, I have always found an embarrassing silence much, much more painful than saying something innocuous about the weather. I do not make small talk naturally, but have mastered the ability to do so when the alternative is worse.

    I tend not to initiate conversations with strangers, but if they address me I can respond appropriately.

  • I can relate very much to this although i have seemed to of got better with it as i've got older, I still struggle but not as bad as i did when i was about 21.   I struggle a lot doing small talk in barbers when I'm getting my hair cut, its even worse now as i have highlights in my hair I have to goto a unisex hairdressers and sit with  tin foil in my hair for an hour chatting with a load of woman.  I have found they usually chat about the royal family and weddings, so I do a little research every time I go for my hair cut. Joy  I know all about harry and megan hahaha ,  I have a coping strategy in place, I go into the pub across the road 45 minutes before my appointment,  Have a large glass of wine then i'm ready to cope with them.