Which of your parents do you believe is/was/might be/could have been autistic?

Jury is out for me too - not sure if my "dad" was even my genetic parent, as my mother had continual affairs, and I don't think it's common for autistic people to repeatedly break their marriage vows?

I think that maybe my mother's sister was on the spectrum. I stayed with her in the summer holidays a couple of times and looking back now at her behaviour I can see a lot of anxiety.

Lotus said:

my mother had continual affairs,

Ditto.

Hi Debbie, I "upvoted" your comment because I empathise with you, not because I like it that your mother had affairs too.

Lotus said:

But after I got married and moved out, I started to realise how manipulative they had both been.

Once in my 30s I was standing in the kitchen doorway and my mum was in the kitchen with my dad, having a go at him and 'being upset'.

She happened to turn around then to face the other side of the kitchen.

She didn't know I was watching but I saw her smile.

It was a mega lightbulb moment for me.

My mum's death was the release for me, truth to tell.

Lotus said:

Sorry that you also suffered because of a parent's behaviour Debbie

Thank you.

Sorry that you also suffered because of a parent's behaviour Debbie.

For me it was more complicated - my "father" was one of the most unpleasant people I've had the misfortune to meet, and my mother trained me to take her side from an early age, as she claimed she had to seek comfort with other men due to an uncaring husband who was emotionally detached and wouldn't take her out, as she liked to socialise. I actually became more attached to the boyfriend she had in my teens than my so called "dad". But after I got married and moved out, I started to realise how manipulative they had both been. Not surprising that when I was young I wondered if I was actually adopted.

Still, that's many years in the past now (I cut ties around 30 years ago for self protection) - it can't harm me any more. We survive x

Lotus said:

Hi Debbie, I "upvoted" your comment because I empathise with you, not because I like it that your mother had affairs too.

Thankyou.

I have a very painful memory of my mother taking me out for a daytrip with one of them.

I'm sorry you suffered this too 

For me empathy for my father and his suffering is probably the worst of the emotional memories.

Lotus said:

Hi Debbie, I "upvoted" your comment because I empathise with you, not because I like it that your mother had affairs too.

Thankyou.

I have a very painful memory of my mother taking me out for a daytrip with one of them.

I'm sorry you suffered this too 

For me empathy for my father and his suffering is probably the worst of the emotional memories.

Lotus said:

But after I got married and moved out, I started to realise how manipulative they had both been.

Once in my 30s I was standing in the kitchen doorway and my mum was in the kitchen with my dad, having a go at him and 'being upset'.

She happened to turn around then to face the other side of the kitchen.

She didn't know I was watching but I saw her smile.

It was a mega lightbulb moment for me.

My mum's death was the release for me, truth to tell.

Lotus said:

Sorry that you also suffered because of a parent's behaviour Debbie

Thank you.

Sorry that you also suffered because of a parent's behaviour Debbie.

For me it was more complicated - my "father" was one of the most unpleasant people I've had the misfortune to meet, and my mother trained me to take her side from an early age, as she claimed she had to seek comfort with other men due to an uncaring husband who was emotionally detached and wouldn't take her out, as she liked to socialise. I actually became more attached to the boyfriend she had in my teens than my so called "dad". But after I got married and moved out, I started to realise how manipulative they had both been. Not surprising that when I was young I wondered if I was actually adopted.

Still, that's many years in the past now (I cut ties around 30 years ago for self protection) - it can't harm me any more. We survive x