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Autism and Marriage

JJ9516419

Hello - I’ve recently been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at the age of 43. I always knew I was different and now finally have answers.
I am currently in chronic burnout and am finding I am quite withdrawn and I know my husband is struggling because he feels we don’t communicate and he feels shut out. I don’t mean to shut him out but I just wondered if this is an autistic thing and if so does anyone have any advice as to how I can navigate our relationship with these diagnosis? Thank you 

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  • Yes, I think it is an autistic thng, we tend to internalise more and maybe take much longer to work out what we're feeling so as we can tell anyone else.

    One ex of mine, ended up doing an afternoon shift with me at the shop I worked in, he was amazed at how much energy it took to deal with customers who could come in looking for some quite specific advice and how to stay supportive and make no promises and remind them that I was a shop assistant, as well as taking and putting out deliveries and stuff. I managed after that to get him to give me 15 or 20 mins just to veg out in front of the telly whilst I put the day away and emptied my ears.

    One of the things I've noticed about men, is that when thier partner needs to vent, they see a problem to be fixed, they don't see that the tools they need to fix things are on either side of thier head and that they just need to listen, say yes and no in the right places and leave you alone for a few minutes.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you - I’m glad to hear it’s an autism thing and not just me being rubbish. My partner is very supportive but I know he has struggled with my shut down periods and he does struggle to understand my masking as I do it pretty much every day and then he gets the wiped out version in the evenings when I don’t talk or engage in conversation. I’m sure once I’m through this burnout I can look at how I can manage my neurodivergent brain better. 

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you - I’m glad to hear it’s an autism thing and not just me being rubbish. My partner is very supportive but I know he has struggled with my shut down periods and he does struggle to understand my masking as I do it pretty much every day and then he gets the wiped out version in the evenings when I don’t talk or engage in conversation. I’m sure once I’m through this burnout I can look at how I can manage my neurodivergent brain better. 

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