marriage ending following diagnosis

they say men marry women hoping they will never change and women marry men hoping they will change and both are doomed to be disappointed. However when it's autism and the way some one is is wired into their brain before birth you realise some things really are never going to change. However that isn't to say everything is set in stone. all human beings learn and adapt. Does it really matter if he has to remind himself to tell you he loves you if he really does love you?

I've found that some men expect you to change into thier mother everywhere except the bedroom when they want you to be a porn star. I can't do that switch, of having to behave like someones mother to being a porn star in the time it takes to go upstairs and have a wash and clean my teeth before bed. It made me feel like a child abuser.

Tbh emotional support and sex go together for a lot of men and a lot of men find it odd that woman don't feel the same way. So if your idea of 'mothering' is providing emotional support I think you'll find for a lot of men the sex is that too. There are probably a lot men who see their wife sitting depressed on the sofa and feel like asking 'do you want me to take my clothes off and do that thing you like.' They are genuinely surprised when they discover their other half isn't keen on receiving emotional support in the form of sexual favours.

It's ironic. One of the things I find most depressing is unlike men almost all women over 25 insist on acting their age. It's why a lot of men prefer to date younger women. Not just the looks, the attitude. I have to wonder if some of these childish husbands you refer to were hoping their wives would be a little more childish themselves. 

I've aways wondered if a lot of men resent having children but go along with it because they feel it's expected. After all how many women would agree to marry a man if he made it clear kids were off the table for the 1st ten years? Maybe some predominantly young women in their early 20s would be ok with that but I get the feeling for a lot of women that would be a deal breaker. I wouldn't be surprised if most men weren't initially reluctant fathers. I get the impression most men would prefer to be starting a family in their late 30s or even later but for women that's very hard biologically speaking and most people marry within their own age range.

That said if a man is working overtime all the time because it's the only way to make sure his kids are well provided for I think he's earned the odd toy. Not that that justifies being laissez-faire about his kids and what they need. But if the truth is that if the guy wasn't working over time regularly the kid wouldn't have PE kit or even maybe a separate bedroom I can understand why he feels he's entitled to the odd indulgence.

Your assumption is if your husband acts like a child he wanted you to mother him. Maybe sometimes he did want that sort of supporting approach. But I put to you that maybe sometimes what he really wanted was for you to get into the sandpit with him and make mud pies (metaphorically). Maybe your husband was looking for a playmate first and a mother to his children second.

You know Peter, I and many other women have split with partners bwcause we feel like we have another child rather than an equal partner, being ignored until bedtime is only the half of it. If bth partners work full time then how come its still the woen who do the majority of the home and child care? Why is the money, often less than the mans wage expected to go on things like bill's, food and stuff for the kids? Shouldn't a man be thinking equally about such boring stuff as school shoes and PE kit before a new toy for himself?

All in all your replies to me give a perfect example of why so any women can't be bothered with relationships any more.

You know Peter, I and many other women have split with partners bwcause we feel like we have another child rather than an equal partner, being ignored until bedtime is only the half of it. If bth partners work full time then how come its still the woen who do the majority of the home and child care? Why is the money, often less than the mans wage expected to go on things like bill's, food and stuff for the kids? Shouldn't a man be thinking equally about such boring stuff as school shoes and PE kit before a new toy for himself?

All in all your replies to me give a perfect example of why so any women can't be bothered with relationships any more.

It's ironic. One of the things I find most depressing is unlike men almost all women over 25 insist on acting their age. It's why a lot of men prefer to date younger women. Not just the looks, the attitude. I have to wonder if some of these childish husbands you refer to were hoping their wives would be a little more childish themselves. 

I've aways wondered if a lot of men resent having children but go along with it because they feel it's expected. After all how many women would agree to marry a man if he made it clear kids were off the table for the 1st ten years? Maybe some predominantly young women in their early 20s would be ok with that but I get the feeling for a lot of women that would be a deal breaker. I wouldn't be surprised if most men weren't initially reluctant fathers. I get the impression most men would prefer to be starting a family in their late 30s or even later but for women that's very hard biologically speaking and most people marry within their own age range.

That said if a man is working overtime all the time because it's the only way to make sure his kids are well provided for I think he's earned the odd toy. Not that that justifies being laissez-faire about his kids and what they need. But if the truth is that if the guy wasn't working over time regularly the kid wouldn't have PE kit or even maybe a separate bedroom I can understand why he feels he's entitled to the odd indulgence.

Your assumption is if your husband acts like a child he wanted you to mother him. Maybe sometimes he did want that sort of supporting approach. But I put to you that maybe sometimes what he really wanted was for you to get into the sandpit with him and make mud pies (metaphorically). Maybe your husband was looking for a playmate first and a mother to his children second.