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Step Child

Arbor

I have a step son who I have known since 10 years of age whom lived with my partner and myself upto 4 years ago. He is now married and lives with his wife and they are aged 28. The step son is verbally abusive toward me and has always abused me. My partner wants a relationship with her son and i can understand her need. But I recent helped him as I have always done obtain a family airlume and it was a wedding preset from my partner and myself. Once he had obtained the item I asked him a reasonable request. My request was to fetch an an old antique car we had given him for his 21 st birthday. It's been stored in my barn and I had asked him over a year ago to remove it. He was quick to come and collect the airlume and take it home but the car he didn't want to take to his new home. I explained a year ago that it couldn't stay with us. He sent an extremely hurtful and abusive text to me. He called me lazy, said I have no friends, that I am pathetic, that I am controlling and petty. He was my best friend 2 weeks ago when I was obtaining the airlume from his late grandfather's estate ie negotiating the terms of sale so that his mother and I could gift it to him and his new wife. The point to the post is I am so sad, upset and angry that my time being a step father I have  have drawn in by him when he needed something then abused by him when I nomlonger was useful. It's a distructive relationship but being autistic  how do I navigate this it's just self destructive having him in my life but I love his mum very much. 

Parents

  • Wow! I am so sorry that you have been treated this way. 

    Have you shared your step son's texts with your partner? Is she aware of how he treats you? 

  • in reply to Retired Teacher (NAS96182)

    Yes my partner is aware of his behaviour, she also has a distant relationship with him but still maintains a relationship with him that is safe for her. My issue is he takes advantage of my good nature but then almost takes the chance to then stick some abusive characters assinatiins into my heart. When I draw a boundary he becomes even more nasty and is more than happy to gaslight, lie and disrespect me. 

  • in reply to Arbor

    Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Have considered blocking your stepson so that he can't contact you via text, phone call, or email? Your partner could tell him that he has been blocked as a result of his abusive and threatening behavior. 

    If the car is still at your residence, have your partner give him a deadline for removing it and then have it towed. If he wants the vehicle back, he'll have to settle up with the towing company. It's not your responsbility (you or your partner) to house his vehicle especially given his terrible behavior. 

  • in reply to Arbor

    I think you have been exceptionally patient and wish you all the best. Please let us know what happened. All too often, people post about problems and are offered solutions. It's rare for anyone to tell about what happened. 

  • in reply to Retired Teacher (NAS96182)

    Thank you your reply has helped. It has validated my feelings and perspective. I really struggle with him becasue my partner left his father 28 years ago because (his father has a good job) but was an abusive, drunk and had narsistic oersanilty disorder. I fear despite our best efforts he has become his father's son. I did every aspect of fathering him growing up tho, his father was absent other than the occasional weekend once a month. He had agreed to actually pick him up from school every Friday and drop back at school every Monday. His father never even got close to this level of involvement. My step sun used to come home "bouncing off the walls" and it took him about a week to come down during that week he was horrid to me even at age 10 but then I would have a good relationship with him until his birth father asked my step son to stay next. We had hoped that our string family and secure relationship and family setting would compensate but regrettably my step son has no responsibility to his actions and his contemot and ungreatful, abusive and frankly nasty behaviour toward me I fear now is locked in at 28. I will discuss with his mum but I think your clear message and clear consequence is an excellent idea. Thank you so much you are very much appreciated. It is extremely painful to be on the end of his vile words and macavelian behaviours. 

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  • in reply to Retired Teacher (NAS96182)

    Thank you your reply has helped. It has validated my feelings and perspective. I really struggle with him becasue my partner left his father 28 years ago because (his father has a good job) but was an abusive, drunk and had narsistic oersanilty disorder. I fear despite our best efforts he has become his father's son. I did every aspect of fathering him growing up tho, his father was absent other than the occasional weekend once a month. He had agreed to actually pick him up from school every Friday and drop back at school every Monday. His father never even got close to this level of involvement. My step sun used to come home "bouncing off the walls" and it took him about a week to come down during that week he was horrid to me even at age 10 but then I would have a good relationship with him until his birth father asked my step son to stay next. We had hoped that our string family and secure relationship and family setting would compensate but regrettably my step son has no responsibility to his actions and his contemot and ungreatful, abusive and frankly nasty behaviour toward me I fear now is locked in at 28. I will discuss with his mum but I think your clear message and clear consequence is an excellent idea. Thank you so much you are very much appreciated. It is extremely painful to be on the end of his vile words and macavelian behaviours. 

Children