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The trials of living with a NT partner

orderlyaut

Hoping people's perspectives can help guide me here...

3+months ago, my partner moved in with me, in to my house. It wasn't until we started having little disagreements about things that I realised that I'm my authentic self when I'm at home and I mask/cope when I'm elsewhere. It's this which has really made me start my journey on path a of self-discovery. I've thought for years that I'm on the spectrum but it wasn't until I started sharing my space (for the first time) that I realised how much. 

I've seen a few posts about where ASD ends and where my personality starts and it's this which is making me a bit anxious in terms of trying to live how I feel I need to in my own home, with a partner, versus having to compromise and not be truly happy with the situation. I feel that I'm doing my best giving reasoning why certain things need to be a certain way, they are largely appreciated, but then forgotten and then having to repeat myself then causes issues. 

I realise that some of the more minor issues are just what NT people would face, so I'm having to battle with them, as well as my ND needs.

Any advice on what others have found to work would be appreciated.

Parents

  • I don't have any advice I can offer, but I do sympathise.

    When I was younger, myself and my then-boyfriend had agreed that as he was more-or-less living with me, he might as well move in with me officially. I did not know then that I was autistic.

    Having things done a certain way wasn't an issue for me, but the one thing I really struggled with was when he had started to move some of his possessions in. One of his prized possessions had been a pair of large speakers, which took up a lot of space. The quality of sound from them was amazing, but I really hated the fact that they were so big and bulky.

  • in reply to Sparkly-Temporary Account

    Interesting, for me the biggest issue was my husband’s (then boyfriend) friends coming in. I was stressed, but as he is caring, he took my stress seriously and we agreed that only one of his friends can come for coffee and they sit in the kitchen, so I caa as n leave and have my space anytime. Others - outside. Maybe it is some inconvenience for him, but he appreciates that I never make drama whenever he wants to go somewhere with his friends, even for a trip. Just an example of some compromise. Communication is the key. I had no idea about autism  at that time.

  • in reply to Alienatedhuman

    I feel fortunate that my ex-boyfriend and his friends didn't socialise all that often, and when they did it generally tended to be for a night out.

    Early on in the relationship, I can remember visiting him with my son and one of my friends. The whole point of the visit had been to introduce him to my friend, although I had omitted to tell him that. For the duration of the visit, he barely said a word to me and my friend, and seemed more interested in finding things to keep my son entertained. He later explained that the reason why he had largely ignored us was because he thought I wanted a break from my son, so that my friend and I could chat without any interruptions. It had been lovely and sweet of him (his heart was in the right place), but completely unnecessary.

    Yes, compromise and good communication are definitely essential.

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  • in reply to Alienatedhuman

    I feel fortunate that my ex-boyfriend and his friends didn't socialise all that often, and when they did it generally tended to be for a night out.

    Early on in the relationship, I can remember visiting him with my son and one of my friends. The whole point of the visit had been to introduce him to my friend, although I had omitted to tell him that. For the duration of the visit, he barely said a word to me and my friend, and seemed more interested in finding things to keep my son entertained. He later explained that the reason why he had largely ignored us was because he thought I wanted a break from my son, so that my friend and I could chat without any interruptions. It had been lovely and sweet of him (his heart was in the right place), but completely unnecessary.

    Yes, compromise and good communication are definitely essential.

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