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Turning 30 in a couple of weeks and worried about my future...

AmyLR94

How do I start???
Well a few days ago I had a really bad worry moment, so much so that I was trying so hard not to cry to sleep. As you have read in the title I turn 30 in a couple of weeks, normally I'm really excited for my birthday but with everything that has been going on this year I've been more scared to hit 30 then I did when I hit 20.

For a while now I feel like I am missing something in my life, but I'm unsure on what that something would be. In July this year I started volunteering twice a week at a charity shop (which I love!) to help build my confidence and get some experience. I have been looking for part time jobs as well, but I haven't found anything that interest me or I'm qualified to do.

Some of you might of seen my last post about me mentioning about my dad and have had a lot like that happening which is causing me not to enjoy my life much. Another thing that has been on my mind is that (sorry for the tmi) I haven't had a period in 9 months. I'm not pregnant (still a virgin) but I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about this.

What has me worried are:
- I'm turning 30 and have no boyfriend and I'm still a virgin
- I'm scared that if I do end up with someone that they could end up like my dad
- I'm worried that because I haven't had a period that I could be infertile, which then makes me more worried that who would want to be with me when I can't have children.
- I have eczema prone skin - so again I keep thinking who would want a women who could be infertile and have eczema prone skin.
- I worried that if I meet someone that I will be taken advanced of because I don't understand certain things.
- I'm worried I will never find anyone since I don't go clubbing or to pubs etc 
- I'm worried about money all the time and end up spending my monthly money just to distract my thoughts (I find it very hard to budget)
- I haven't got a job - and I'm unsure what I am good at.

There are probably more for that list but basically I am terrified and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do with my life...I've been having feelings of wanting a baby too but know I can't afford to have a baby. I just see everyone else moving on with their lives and doing things that I feel unseen or lost. I know some of you will comment saying your still young and have plenty of time but my brain doesn't think that way. 

I know I'm probably repeating myself with the posts I put up on here but it's the only place I feel comfortable to express my thoughts and feelings to SobSob x

Parents

  • Hi Amy, I’m sorry you are feeling so worried at the moment. I think if we focus a lot on the future and every possible eventuality most of us would feel pretty overwhelmed. It’s worth bearing in mind that often when we worry like this we make a lot of assumptions that we actually don’t have much evidence for. For example - your worry that no one would want a relationship with you if you couldn’t have children - there are plenty of people who don’t actually want to have children (for example my youngest son is very confident that he doesn’t ever want to have children) - so it’s not necessarily a deal breaker for many people. Another example - having eczema prone skin - my eldest son’s girlfriend has that too - and it definitely didn’t cause any problems for them in their getting together and being in a long term relationship. Most people have a health issue of one kind or another at various times - it’s not unusual or something that should stop you finding a relationship. 
    So try not to only look on the bleaker side of your situation - it best to try and encourage optimism in your thinking if you can. I know it’s not easy - but it’s possible. It takes time but we can learn to challenge our patterns of negative thinking and be more positive and hopeful. 
    Periods can be irregular for all sorts of reasons - and stress can definitely do that. I think you’re right to go to the doctor - hopefully they can put your mind at rest. 
    It’s great that you’re volunteering at the charity shop and enjoying it - maybe you’ll meet someone there! You never know! 

Reply

  • Hi Amy, I’m sorry you are feeling so worried at the moment. I think if we focus a lot on the future and every possible eventuality most of us would feel pretty overwhelmed. It’s worth bearing in mind that often when we worry like this we make a lot of assumptions that we actually don’t have much evidence for. For example - your worry that no one would want a relationship with you if you couldn’t have children - there are plenty of people who don’t actually want to have children (for example my youngest son is very confident that he doesn’t ever want to have children) - so it’s not necessarily a deal breaker for many people. Another example - having eczema prone skin - my eldest son’s girlfriend has that too - and it definitely didn’t cause any problems for them in their getting together and being in a long term relationship. Most people have a health issue of one kind or another at various times - it’s not unusual or something that should stop you finding a relationship. 
    So try not to only look on the bleaker side of your situation - it best to try and encourage optimism in your thinking if you can. I know it’s not easy - but it’s possible. It takes time but we can learn to challenge our patterns of negative thinking and be more positive and hopeful. 
    Periods can be irregular for all sorts of reasons - and stress can definitely do that. I think you’re right to go to the doctor - hopefully they can put your mind at rest. 
    It’s great that you’re volunteering at the charity shop and enjoying it - maybe you’ll meet someone there! You never know! 

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