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Turning 30 in a couple of weeks and worried about my future...

AmyLR94

How do I start???
Well a few days ago I had a really bad worry moment, so much so that I was trying so hard not to cry to sleep. As you have read in the title I turn 30 in a couple of weeks, normally I'm really excited for my birthday but with everything that has been going on this year I've been more scared to hit 30 then I did when I hit 20.

For a while now I feel like I am missing something in my life, but I'm unsure on what that something would be. In July this year I started volunteering twice a week at a charity shop (which I love!) to help build my confidence and get some experience. I have been looking for part time jobs as well, but I haven't found anything that interest me or I'm qualified to do.

Some of you might of seen my last post about me mentioning about my dad and have had a lot like that happening which is causing me not to enjoy my life much. Another thing that has been on my mind is that (sorry for the tmi) I haven't had a period in 9 months. I'm not pregnant (still a virgin) but I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about this.

What has me worried are:
- I'm turning 30 and have no boyfriend and I'm still a virgin
- I'm scared that if I do end up with someone that they could end up like my dad
- I'm worried that because I haven't had a period that I could be infertile, which then makes me more worried that who would want to be with me when I can't have children.
- I have eczema prone skin - so again I keep thinking who would want a women who could be infertile and have eczema prone skin.
- I worried that if I meet someone that I will be taken advanced of because I don't understand certain things.
- I'm worried I will never find anyone since I don't go clubbing or to pubs etc 
- I'm worried about money all the time and end up spending my monthly money just to distract my thoughts (I find it very hard to budget)
- I haven't got a job - and I'm unsure what I am good at.

There are probably more for that list but basically I am terrified and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do with my life...I've been having feelings of wanting a baby too but know I can't afford to have a baby. I just see everyone else moving on with their lives and doing things that I feel unseen or lost. I know some of you will comment saying your still young and have plenty of time but my brain doesn't think that way. 

I know I'm probably repeating myself with the posts I put up on here but it's the only place I feel comfortable to express my thoughts and feelings to SobSob x

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  • I can remember feeling very down and depressed when I had been approaching my 30th birthday, and it had a lot to do with what I perceived to be societal expectations, and not having achieved many of the things my peers had. It also greatly annoyed me when other people would say, "Ah, but you're still young. No need to be worrying about stuff like that!"

    When I was approaching my 40th, not much had changed. However, the thought of turning 40 didn't bother me.

    I'm now approaching 50. It's bothering me, but I don't think it's because of the things I still haven't achieved. It's more the thought of being half-a-century old. Major panic because I'll no longer be a woman in my 40s, which might seem laughable to people who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, etc.

    I have accepted that some of the things I had hoped to achieve in my life may never happen. If that's the case, all I can do is try to make the best of my life without those things. For example, when I was younger I'd had an almost fairytale-like notion of being married by the age of 21. I have yet to find my significant other, but if it does happen, I know there's no guarantee that it would make me feel any happier or fulfilled.

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  • I can remember feeling very down and depressed when I had been approaching my 30th birthday, and it had a lot to do with what I perceived to be societal expectations, and not having achieved many of the things my peers had. It also greatly annoyed me when other people would say, "Ah, but you're still young. No need to be worrying about stuff like that!"

    When I was approaching my 40th, not much had changed. However, the thought of turning 40 didn't bother me.

    I'm now approaching 50. It's bothering me, but I don't think it's because of the things I still haven't achieved. It's more the thought of being half-a-century old. Major panic because I'll no longer be a woman in my 40s, which might seem laughable to people who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, etc.

    I have accepted that some of the things I had hoped to achieve in my life may never happen. If that's the case, all I can do is try to make the best of my life without those things. For example, when I was younger I'd had an almost fairytale-like notion of being married by the age of 21. I have yet to find my significant other, but if it does happen, I know there's no guarantee that it would make me feel any happier or fulfilled.

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