How do I start???
Well a few days ago I had a really bad worry moment, so much so that I was trying so hard not to cry to sleep. As you have read in the title I turn 30 in a couple of weeks, normally I'm really excited for my birthday but with everything that has been going on this year I've been more scared to hit 30 then I did when I hit 20.
For a while now I feel like I am missing something in my life, but I'm unsure on what that something would be. In July this year I started volunteering twice a week at a charity shop (which I love!) to help build my confidence and get some experience. I have been looking for part time jobs as well, but I haven't found anything that interest me or I'm qualified to do.
Some of you might of seen my last post about me mentioning about my dad and have had a lot like that happening which is causing me not to enjoy my life much. Another thing that has been on my mind is that (sorry for the tmi) I haven't had a period in 9 months. I'm not pregnant (still a virgin) but I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about this.
What has me worried are:
- I'm turning 30 and have no boyfriend and I'm still a virgin
- I'm scared that if I do end up with someone that they could end up like my dad
- I'm worried that because I haven't had a period that I could be infertile, which then makes me more worried that who would want to be with me when I can't have children.
- I have eczema prone skin - so again I keep thinking who would want a women who could be infertile and have eczema prone skin.
- I worried that if I meet someone that I will be taken advanced of because I don't understand certain things.
- I'm worried I will never find anyone since I don't go clubbing or to pubs etc
- I'm worried about money all the time and end up spending my monthly money just to distract my thoughts (I find it very hard to budget)
- I haven't got a job - and I'm unsure what I am good at.
There are probably more for that list but basically I am terrified and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do with my life...I've been having feelings of wanting a baby too but know I can't afford to have a baby. I just see everyone else moving on with their lives and doing things that I feel unseen or lost. I know some of you will comment saying your still young and have plenty of time but my brain doesn't think that way.
I know I'm probably repeating myself with the posts I put up on here but it's the only place I feel comfortable to express my thoughts and feelings to 
x
