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Turning 30 in a couple of weeks and worried about my future...

AmyLR94

How do I start???
Well a few days ago I had a really bad worry moment, so much so that I was trying so hard not to cry to sleep. As you have read in the title I turn 30 in a couple of weeks, normally I'm really excited for my birthday but with everything that has been going on this year I've been more scared to hit 30 then I did when I hit 20.

For a while now I feel like I am missing something in my life, but I'm unsure on what that something would be. In July this year I started volunteering twice a week at a charity shop (which I love!) to help build my confidence and get some experience. I have been looking for part time jobs as well, but I haven't found anything that interest me or I'm qualified to do.

Some of you might of seen my last post about me mentioning about my dad and have had a lot like that happening which is causing me not to enjoy my life much. Another thing that has been on my mind is that (sorry for the tmi) I haven't had a period in 9 months. I'm not pregnant (still a virgin) but I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about this.

What has me worried are:
- I'm turning 30 and have no boyfriend and I'm still a virgin
- I'm scared that if I do end up with someone that they could end up like my dad
- I'm worried that because I haven't had a period that I could be infertile, which then makes me more worried that who would want to be with me when I can't have children.
- I have eczema prone skin - so again I keep thinking who would want a women who could be infertile and have eczema prone skin.
- I worried that if I meet someone that I will be taken advanced of because I don't understand certain things.
- I'm worried I will never find anyone since I don't go clubbing or to pubs etc 
- I'm worried about money all the time and end up spending my monthly money just to distract my thoughts (I find it very hard to budget)
- I haven't got a job - and I'm unsure what I am good at.

There are probably more for that list but basically I am terrified and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do with my life...I've been having feelings of wanting a baby too but know I can't afford to have a baby. I just see everyone else moving on with their lives and doing things that I feel unseen or lost. I know some of you will comment saying your still young and have plenty of time but my brain doesn't think that way. 

I know I'm probably repeating myself with the posts I put up on here but it's the only place I feel comfortable to express my thoughts and feelings to SobSob x

Parents

  • Hi Amy,

    I can see that you are feeling overwhelmed right now. It’s totally understandable- a great many of us feel this way when we look at every potential problem in our lives - it’s a lot to think about. 
    we can all imagine potential disasters if we start looking to the future and wondering what it holds. Ultimately it’s not helpful to look back into the past too much or look to the future too much. Try to bring your focus back to now, and making today a bit better. What do you enjoy doing? Try and concentrate on improving your life as it is now rather than projecting your worries into the future. None of us can really know what the future holds - things can change and develop in ways we never predicted. What you do have more control over is how you’re living your life now. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I think for me I’m just finding the world scary now that next week I will be 30. I keep telling myself to look in the present and not the past or future, but my mind can’t help it.

    I guess it’s because I just feel that someone my age should have a job, a partner, a house, be engaged, have kids etc because I see other people my age who has all that. It might also because I envy my brother too since he has a job, a house, a fiancé etc 

    I just find it really hard to see anything exciting that is going to happen for me. I’m trying my hardest when it comes to looking for jobs, doing online courses, learning what I can in volunteering. But always in the back of my mind I have that doubt and that worry that I won’t get to experience the things that everyone else has experienced.

    I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (Wednesday) for my lady problems and hope there is nothing serious to worry about. 

    But I guess with my mind I just don’t know how to think in the present woman shrugging: light skin tone x

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  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I think for me I’m just finding the world scary now that next week I will be 30. I keep telling myself to look in the present and not the past or future, but my mind can’t help it.

    I guess it’s because I just feel that someone my age should have a job, a partner, a house, be engaged, have kids etc because I see other people my age who has all that. It might also because I envy my brother too since he has a job, a house, a fiancé etc 

    I just find it really hard to see anything exciting that is going to happen for me. I’m trying my hardest when it comes to looking for jobs, doing online courses, learning what I can in volunteering. But always in the back of my mind I have that doubt and that worry that I won’t get to experience the things that everyone else has experienced.

    I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (Wednesday) for my lady problems and hope there is nothing serious to worry about. 

    But I guess with my mind I just don’t know how to think in the present woman shrugging: light skin tone x

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