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Will I ever feel human?

saccharinedreams

I feel so disconnected from humanity. I feel like I can’t experience being human the way everyone else can. Like there’s some vital, innate faculty that all humans have except me, thus disqualifying me from the classification of human. 

i have yet to be diagnosed and I’m on a waitlist. But I worry that even a diagnosis won’t provide me any real sense of belonging. I feel like an error. It’s so overwhelmingly isolating.

I hung out with someone today that I really wanted to be friends (or even more) with, and I still left feeling empty and disconnected. Sometimes I feel like there something so uniquely wrong with me that there’s not even a diagnosis. My disorder is just being me.

i think I’m rambling now. I have no clue if any of this made any sense. Sorry. 

Parents

  • Humanity is a matter of philosophy, and open to interpretation. It's a common joke online to call anyone who does a common thing in an odd way a psychopath, for instance. ("I like to eat my pizza crust first." "You're a psychopath.").

    That being said, I do get what you mean about feeling fundamentally disconnected from the average human experience. I'm in the process of trying to figure out a lot of that stuff myself. For me, my health and lifestyle needs to change before I can really try to engage with the other aspects of life.

    I don't know how relatable this is going to be for others here, but it feels to me like a lot of us can talk about how things could be in an ideal sense, but none of us want to be the driving force of any endeavours. We'd rather watch someone else try and, if it gains traction, maybe consider hitching on then.

  • in reply to Oran G. Utan

    I’m not sure what you’re talking about in regards to not wanting to be “a driving force of any endeavors”. I feel like that’s a very rude assumption. I am constantly trying as hard as I can to challenge myself and change and out myself out there to the point of driving myself into the ground and constantly overwhelming myself. I’m doing the best I can and I wish someone would just recognize that. 

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  • in reply to Oran G. Utan

    I’m not sure what you’re talking about in regards to not wanting to be “a driving force of any endeavors”. I feel like that’s a very rude assumption. I am constantly trying as hard as I can to challenge myself and change and out myself out there to the point of driving myself into the ground and constantly overwhelming myself. I’m doing the best I can and I wish someone would just recognize that. 

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