Will I ever feel human?

I feel so disconnected from humanity. I feel like I can’t experience being human the way everyone else can. Like there’s some vital, innate faculty that all humans have except me, thus disqualifying me from the classification of human. 

i have yet to be diagnosed and I’m on a waitlist. But I worry that even a diagnosis won’t provide me any real sense of belonging. I feel like an error. It’s so overwhelmingly isolating.

I hung out with someone today that I really wanted to be friends (or even more) with, and I still left feeling empty and disconnected. Sometimes I feel like there something so uniquely wrong with me that there’s not even a diagnosis. My disorder is just being me.

i think I’m rambling now. I have no clue if any of this made any sense. Sorry. 

Parents
  • My previous answer got flagged because I edited it few times. So short summary: I feel sorry that you feel this way and I totally understand this feeling. I also experience it. This site is the only place I feel human. With a delay I realized that I actually had some interactions with other autistic and neurodivergent people. If it’s possible for you, maybe try to make some connections with other autistic or generally ND people. Success not guaranteed because we are all different, but there is higher chance you will find someone who you can connect with. 
    i hate being told that I’m sad or angry when I’m not at all, I’m just focused on something. Or at work as a customer service, that I have to modulate my voice and control mimic, I got weird looks when I answered that I can’t. these are some of the reasons why I can’t connect with others (mostly neurotypicals). For me this site is the place I feel like human and I found some connections here. 

Reply
  • My previous answer got flagged because I edited it few times. So short summary: I feel sorry that you feel this way and I totally understand this feeling. I also experience it. This site is the only place I feel human. With a delay I realized that I actually had some interactions with other autistic and neurodivergent people. If it’s possible for you, maybe try to make some connections with other autistic or generally ND people. Success not guaranteed because we are all different, but there is higher chance you will find someone who you can connect with. 
    i hate being told that I’m sad or angry when I’m not at all, I’m just focused on something. Or at work as a customer service, that I have to modulate my voice and control mimic, I got weird looks when I answered that I can’t. these are some of the reasons why I can’t connect with others (mostly neurotypicals). For me this site is the place I feel like human and I found some connections here. 

Children
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