Does your partner understand your autism . ?
Generally things are a lot better, it must have been a bit strange for my wife, I just announced one day to her that I think I’m autistic. We have been married for over 30 years. I had done a lot of research by then.
It has helped us both understand why our relationship has been difficult for both of us. It’s now more understood why I find things like social occasions so hard, I don’t have to now attend if I’m not comfortable. We don’t have to go through the weeks of ‘radio silence’ as I would slowly shutdown as the occasion got nearer.
I will now say something if I find some food unsuitable, more thought is now there with things like noise. I also understand that my wife does like to socialise and have a life.
I do still mask heavily, I just couldn’t explain how much my brain is constantly processing, a lot of the time I’m just quite with a whole world going on in my head. I don’t think my wife should be fully exposed to that, it’s all too random.
but I'm wise enough not to open that can of worms.
My wife in the "isn't everyone a little on the spectrum" camp (a whole other conversation), oddly I wouldn't be remotely surprised that she was but I'm wise enough not to open that can of worms.
She just accepts me for who I am. I do struggle socially and let her take the lead if at all possible. Which is probably frustrating for her at times.
She now knows I'm not keen on surprises which discovered fairly early in in our relationship when she book a surprise holiday,. She even booked my time off at work and didn't tell me, which definitely was a surprise. Admittedly I reacted badly and I still haven't forgiven myself 20+ years later.(It was a lovely holiday, that we both needed)
I didn't understand my autism until I researched it, never had a clue until I was in my fifties. My partner is probably autistic too, but we have differences in how we react to things. It's only by finding out how the autistic brain works that I've been able to understand myself and him, and explain things to him.
My earlier reply was a little curt, my furry little friend wanted me to take her for a walk so I obliged her.
I am now 66 years old and a few years ago I was reflecting on some of the difficulties I had faced in my life. Difficulties is an interesting euphemism, isn't it.? I began to suspect I might be autistic. I started to marry up life events with autistic characteristics and found a pattern. Most of the problems I have had revolved around communication difficulties. Along the way I discovered I have alexithymia. My partner and I go back a very long way; over 50 years. I took a few online tests, all off which indicated I am autistic so I decided to pursue a formal diagnosis. I lack the self esteem to self-diagnose.
I spoke to my partner about being autistic and getting a diagnosis and she said "That's the most stupid thing I have ever heard you say."
After a few years wait I received my diagnosis"..meets criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder." I told my partner and she said "Everyone's a bit autistic these days." A few hours later she said "I suppose that makes me a saint, doesn't it?"
In the six months since my diagnosis the "A" word has not been mentioned once.
The original question was: Does your partner understand your autism? I can't honestly say if she understands but I do know there is no acknowledgement.
Similar to Martin. She gets it a little bit, but I mask a lot. She's very understanding and supportive.
Partially. I mask heavily, other than being tiring it does not greatly distress me to do so, it is second nature, However, when the mask slips my wife sometimes finds my behaviour surprising. Having said that, she will do things for me, like phoning the GP practice, that I find particularly challenging.
