I feel stupid for thinking I might have autism

Ive been considering the possibly that I may have autism for a few years now, but I’ve never done anything to about it. I’ve just taken a bunch of online assessments and stuff, but until recently I never actually made an effort to seek diagnosis bc I have always felt like an idiot for even considering it. I go online and see people talking about how everyone thinks they have autism bc of tiktok and it’s just made me feel silly for thinking that I do too.

however, recently I’ve been regularly seeing a counselor at my university who has been heavily pushing me to seriously consider seeking a diagnosis. I also have had a second counselor and even a professor tell me that some of the feelings I describe having (i struggle with severe social issues and often feel like I’m not even human bc human connection feels so impossible to me) sound like autism. So, I’m now on a waitlist. I still feel dumb for thinking I might have it and I worry that I’m going to burn $600 on this assessment just to be told I’m not autistic and an idiot for even thinking it. 

Parents
  • What you’re describing is resonating with me a lot. I regularly think of myself as a silly idiot for thinking I might be autistic. I too had teachers, counsellors and friends asking me if I was autistic or highly sensitive and I had to learn that some of my former classmates had spread rumours about me being autistic (which isn’t that bad when you think about it, but at the time, I was a bit insecure about this fact). While transitioning schools I used to have massive meltdowns in school to the point of the teachers having an intervention with my parents. I’ve never been a bad student though so after I learned to hold everything in till I get home, they no longer cared. 
    Thus, I’m still not sure if I’m autistic or not and I’m also still thinking about seeking a diagnosis just to be certain. 18 are not a lot of years to have on your record so who knows, what life will bring, but for now I’m trying to accept the part of me that is thinking about this possibility and I’m feeling surprisingly good about finally daring to join some kind of community. 
    I wish you the best for your diagnostic process, may you find the answers you’re looking for and no matter how all of this turns out: as long as looking into autism helps you to understand at least parts of yourself you’re definitely not an “idiot” or “silly” for doing so.

Reply
  • What you’re describing is resonating with me a lot. I regularly think of myself as a silly idiot for thinking I might be autistic. I too had teachers, counsellors and friends asking me if I was autistic or highly sensitive and I had to learn that some of my former classmates had spread rumours about me being autistic (which isn’t that bad when you think about it, but at the time, I was a bit insecure about this fact). While transitioning schools I used to have massive meltdowns in school to the point of the teachers having an intervention with my parents. I’ve never been a bad student though so after I learned to hold everything in till I get home, they no longer cared. 
    Thus, I’m still not sure if I’m autistic or not and I’m also still thinking about seeking a diagnosis just to be certain. 18 are not a lot of years to have on your record so who knows, what life will bring, but for now I’m trying to accept the part of me that is thinking about this possibility and I’m feeling surprisingly good about finally daring to join some kind of community. 
    I wish you the best for your diagnostic process, may you find the answers you’re looking for and no matter how all of this turns out: as long as looking into autism helps you to understand at least parts of yourself you’re definitely not an “idiot” or “silly” for doing so.

Children
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