Published on 12, July, 2020
Ive been considering the possibly that I may have autism for a few years now, but I’ve never done anything to about it. I’ve just taken a bunch of online assessments and stuff, but until recently I never actually made an effort to seek diagnosis bc I have always felt like an idiot for even considering it. I go online and see people talking about how everyone thinks they have autism bc of tiktok and it’s just made me feel silly for thinking that I do too.
however, recently I’ve been regularly seeing a counselor at my university who has been heavily pushing me to seriously consider seeking a diagnosis. I also have had a second counselor and even a professor tell me that some of the feelings I describe having (i struggle with severe social issues and often feel like I’m not even human bc human connection feels so impossible to me) sound like autism. So, I’m now on a waitlist. I still feel dumb for thinking I might have it and I worry that I’m going to burn $600 on this assessment just to be told I’m not autistic and an idiot for even thinking it.
Your feelings are quite normal, it took me a long time to accept autism into my life. I’m a bit older, my thoughts were, “ I’m nothing like Rainman, I can’t be autistic.” The more I then read about autism made me realise that I am autistic. The masking part of your brain is carrying on with, “nothing to see here.”
I’ve seen some of the TikTok videos, a few are helpful, most seem to make the watcher think that if they have one trait then they are autistic, we all have human traits, you should never feel stupid, I have felt ashamed for being autistic, I realised in the end that it was just other peoples ignorance making me feel that way. Good luck with your assessment.