Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey all...
Didn't know I was autistic until recently in adulthood. People all my life have been manipulative and cruel, using me, so struggle with trust and never felt like I belong anywhere. I work from home and try to keep myself busy out of work - but when you're always on your own you start to wonder what's the point. Have tried volunteering and evening classes etc. but think I'm just too broken as don't gel with anyone, while everyone else seems to gets on with each other. I don't want the rest of my life to be like this, it's so empty and lonely . Does anyone else feel this way? How do you cope?
Hi,
I can relate. Yes, sadly I do. I don't want the rest of my life to be like that either.
I got myself a couple of indoor Guinea pigs for company. Which has helped. But I do hope that one day I will meet someone. Some days I'm more optimistic than others. But mostly I'm not.
I felt like this until I went to therapy and became friends with myself.
First thing to go was the feeling no one wanted to be with me and that I was faulty.
this was far from true, I discovered. Mostly my delivery and way of engaging had me half out the door before I was let in.
I did not think they would like me if they got to know me and so I did not give them the chance
Next to go was the inability to perceive when I was being played. I became distrustful of even sincere advances towards friendship.
After therapy I felt more confident in myself and did not need the approval of others so, when
someone was nice a sweet but it 'felt' off (from y new confident vantage point) I could walk away from the exchange.
after that, and many other misconceptions I had about myself began to dissolve
and I was able to be friends with myself in genuine way.
I also began to study Buddhism and began to understand the benefits of meditation.
Now I have friends and am unapologetic about who I am. And who I perceive myself to be is part of making lasting, sincere, friends.
So, in a walnut shell make friends with who you are and the rest will follow.
I don't feel this way now, but I have in the past, I think maybe counselling would help you, are there any groups in your area for autistic adults? They might help you get out and about? I've been down the doing courses route to try and make friends and I didn't find it worked as most people seemed to go with at least one friend. I think it can be the same with volunteering, people need you to help them, not a mutual thing. I think the best way I've found of making friends and just passing the time of day with people, is having a dog, doggy people tend to be friendly and a dog's your social credential, you talk about your dog to other doggy people, your dogs hopefully get along too, then you start bumping into them more often and then arrange to meet for walks. Lots of areas also have dog walking groups too.