Assessment conclusion

Thank you, I hope I will get help that I need even now. I heard from my family and others that it’s unhealthy to obsess only about one thing and have no other hobbies. I also hear how can I do constantly everything the same way everyday, eat same foods, wear same clothes etc. this makes me feel safe and comfortable. 

You’re welcome! 

Aurielle said:

the struggling in social situations, differences in how I prefer to communicate, sensory issues and so many other things, remain.

Whilst I was waiting for my assessment, I tried CBT, but didn’t benefit from it - which isn’t unusual for autistic people, from what I’ve learned.

So, after my diagnosis, and informed by the book that I mentioned, I chose to have counselling instead - with a counsellor who is also neurodivergent. I’m finding it much more helpful in learning to live more comfortably with my own various differences.

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll have a look.

I may in time decide I wanna look into it. But for the moment, at least in terms of dealing with my parents behaviour towards me in particular, I don't think it'd make much difference in this case.

Cheers, I'll have a read ^^

Aurielle said:

I don't think I made the wrong decision.

From what you've said, and for whatever it may be worth, I agree. And congratulations on your diagnosis!

Aurielle said:

I don't think there's a lot therapy can do for me at this time, since I've moved away from my family and processed a lot of what happened to me, and am actually in a better place for it. But the struggling in social situations, differences in how I prefer to communicate, sensory issues and so many other things, remain.

Setting your childhood trauma aside for a moment, therapy (or counselling) is also often recommended for us following diagnosis in respect of our neurodivergent difficulties.

So you might find that there is a lot to be gained from it. However, if this is something that you might still consider exploring, then I strongly recommend buying or borrowing this book before deciding on a particular type and provider - it has proved very helpful to me and to several others here:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Also, you might find the resources here helpful:

NAS - After diagnosis

They include: 

• How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis
• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough
  
  

Sounds very much like my own experience. I think trying for a diagnosis is always good especially when you understand yourself and that some things cannot be explained by trauma. Thankfully I got another assessment, which on the nhs gives good guidance on this. 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/getting-diagnosed/assessments/#:~:text=If%20you%20do%20not%20agree,such%20as%20a%20learning%20disability

I found this after my assessment and it was useful. But I feel due to pressures on the NHS and their experience in adult autism diagnosis can be difficult. I have a therapist for over two years before my diagnosis and it took me almost a year for him to slowly see that it’s not always trauma with me.but I actually liked his way to challenge my own diagnosis and the way I felt about myself. 

keep strong and sadly to say it always seem like a struggle regardless whether we want one or not 

Yeah, I do believe there's definitely an aspect of that. I got told off a lot for such things; like refusing to eating certain foods. Or sometimes even for the things I took interest in because they were deemed "too childish". Repeating sounds and phrases... amongst other things.

I only recently started talking to my uncle again, I'm no contact with my whole family except for him, and he's the only one I think at this point who isn't in contact with my dad (who's the main issue), so was the only person I could reach out to for help with this.

He's been very supportive and tried his best to help as well. Which im grateful for =)

Keep all these notes - and keep taking notes. I remember stuff all the time, months after being diagnosed that would have been useful if I was near the magical threshold.

Oh for sure.

I sent a 6 page document over before the assessment itself with everything I could think of (and still forgot some things I realised later on), that points to it being autism.

I have low self esteem and definitelt anxiety around some situations because of my parents, so there is definitely some trauma there in some aspects.

But that doesn't account for the ways in which I communicate differently; it's not that I don't WANT to make friends and have social relationships, but I struggle to make and maintain them IRL. I met my husband and my social circle all online and around a point of interest (and funnily enough, a lot of them Autistic or ADHD themselves.) I've had sensory issues around food and sounds for sure, for as long as I can remember. Very intense and sometimes niche nterests which I tend to follow to what sometimes sounds like an obsessive degree to others that don't know what special interests and such are. Amongst many other things; repetitive behaviours and routines and a preference for lameness in how I do things because that's just how I am.

I hope that your journey won't be too much of a fight! And you get the inner peace and answers you need =)

It's possible that the bullying happened because of autistic traits too. This is awful, but possible. It's happened in stories that I read about being autistic. Well done on getting through this assessment. Also it sounds that at least you have a nice Uncle?

Just wanted to add, that autism primarily is: communication issues, different perception and special interests, sensory differences, which usually results in social withdrawal and awkwardness. I think a professional with good experience should be able to differentiate what comes from autism, and what from trauma by for example asking questions: example- why don’t you like spending time with a group of people etc. in my case I’m traumatized by various experiences but about my parents I can say it’s their fault that I have low self esteem and I don’t believe in myself, because they told me many times that I will fail, that I’m not good enough etc. so this thing repeated many times resulted in my thinking that I’m inferior to others. This is a trauma from childhood which I’m still processing in my middle thirties. But the fact that I preferred trams, encyclopedias and later also  learning Russian or creating some hand work has nothing to do with trauma. This was and is my rich inner world and these activities and intense interests gave me a sense of happiness and safety. This is a typical autistic trait. My self hate came from outside - from my parents and family  telling me how bad and failure I sm, because I didn’t fit their criteria of a child (how I should be in their opinion). This didn’t come from inside. I was happy when alone with my interests and it still is this way. 

The most important thing is what you feel is best for you. Nobody should judge you for the decision. I’m far behind you in my journey of getting help/diagnosis, but for me the most important thing is my inner peace, because I’m sensitive and fragile and coping with many things is extremely challenging for me. Getting diagnosis is one of those challenging things for me currently.