Assessment conclusion

Hello!

I had my assessment conclusion and just want a space to ramble and process it I think, and see what others have to say.

After waiting just over a month, I finally had a teams meeting with my assessor, and my uncle present who confirmed some of what I was saying, and how I'd been this way since a kid, but also the fact my parents bullied me alot as a kid too.

The assessor reiterated that they think a lot of it is likely childhood trauma, and it's unclear what is down to that, and what may indeed be Autistic traits. He said that, the options are I can put the diagnosis on a shelf for a moment, go through therapy to help sort out the issues from childhood trauma, and come back to it later if the traits are still more apparently autism. Or "take the short route, get diagnosed", and potentially hit issues in the future if I did decide I want therapy, as they may attribute everything to me being Autistic.

Whilst I get where he was coming from, there was a lot in my notes thay I'd written about on a deeper level that I don't think can be explained away by trauma. After all the research, and talking to others and the fact I'm constantly in my own head about many things in my life, I'm well aware in myself of which struggles I think are due to my parents. And I'm pretty sure in myself that it's a mix of ASD, and yes indeed some trauma because of my treatment due to that.

I chose the latter option, because I don't think that it's worth the time, energy, and NHS funds even to go through therapy, and come back to the same conclusion.. I don't think there's a lot therapy can do for me at this time, since I've moved away from my family and processed a lot of what happened to me, and am actually in a better place for it. But the struggling in social situations, differences in how I prefer to communicate, sensory issues and so many other things, remain.

I don't think I made the wrong decision.

But the fact it came down to my decision in the end, made me feel panicked and like I'll be judged for taking "the short route". In my experience it has been anything but short... 

But also, if he didn't feel they was a chance I'm autistic, I wouldn't have been even given the option, right?