Published on 12, July, 2020
At 55 and menopausal, I've just received my autism diagnosis. I'm also likely have ADHD but am not yet diagnosed. So far, my husband and brother are the only ones that know - my husband because he lives with me and all my moods, and my brother because he once wondered if he was autistic too.
I am in the process of informing myself about this. However, first and foremost, I am struggling with the label 'autistic'. I've always had a trouble with labels (from 'loser' in my school years to 'she's an odd one' later on). Thankfully, my parents avoided the 'she's the clever/odd/pretty one' sort of categorization I've heard others use, so I've been free to define myself. They've just accepted me for who I am.
However, it now feels like I've got a big fat label stuck to my forehead. It oversimplifies the complex creature I feel myself to be - good, bad and indifferent combined. I don't want to be dealt with through this prism of understanding, the 'She's autistic, so that explains why she's overemotional/analytical/socially awkward/reserved/overly blunt' sort of thinking.
I now realize that I am suffering from autism burnout, but don't want to use that as an excuse for the meltdowns I've had. I don't want to have to explain who I am, which is just as exhausting as pretending I'm okay. Oversharing has consequences, I have found.
Your thoughts would be most welcome.
As a 54 years old Irish gay man in the U.K. 23 years, diagnosed in 2021 later in life, 30 years in supermarket retailing, from an only child background, very strictly raised a traditional Catholic in Rural Ireland, coming out as gay in my teens, I do empathise because I’ve had the same kind of judgemental attitudes from those in my home village in Ireland and also from other gay men in the gay community and on the gay scene in both Dublin where I’d lived for 3 years and here in Manchester - my childhood had a lot of bullying and being punished for being bullied and the same happened in the supermarkets