Hi, my name is Gav, I'm 26 and I was diagnosed as having Asperges when I was about 13/14.
I'm sorry if this is the wrong area of the forum to write what may become a long story.
I struggled a lot during school and college. Not because of any direct learning dissability, but due to every-day social situations. I was bullied during school and became very depressed, I attempted suicide and regularly self harmed. I never had any friends until I was about 18 when two came along at once.
When I had those friends, my confidence level rose and I was able to live a semi-normal life. I was able to go into town, go shopping and even go to a pub every now and then, as long as they were with me. But they have busy lives now and have moved on, or have become bored of me.
Like a lot of people in a similar situation, I have a few subjects which I am "overly passionate" about. I can talk for hours about World War history and computers.
Luckily I was given a lot of help during my education and managed to get through it with grades and certificates ect. However, when I left education I immediately found myself back to square one.
My jobs until now have been either with family members, or a friend.
For a while I was unemployed and had to visit the job center to try and get some money. It terrified me to go down there and I would always become hot and sweaty which made me feel like I stood out even more. I tried to tell the staff about my Asperges, though I didn't see a dissability advisor until a few days before she left. I was briefly refered to a place for people with dissabilities but again I did not feel comfortable enough with the face-to-face conversations.
I recently quit working with my Dad as he dosen't really understand and was trying to make me do work that I wasn't comfortable doing.
Therefore, I am unemployed again, still depressed and running out of options.
I live my life inside my room, surrounded with computers and other gadgets. I go to the shop a few hundred yards from my house when i absolutely need to, though I live with my Mum and she does the shopping for me.
People scare me. I will go miles out of my way to avoid contact with anyone I don't know or haven't seen for a while. If someone new talks to me my mind goes completely blank and I usually try to smile, nod and attempt to depart from the conversation.
It has been suggested to me that I see a doctor again for my depression (I used to be perscribed a whole range of different anti-depressants, but they always left me feeling worse - since my teenage years I have found other 'methods' to at least stop me from feeling suicidal.) Though I do not feel that I can talk to a doctor, GP or specialist because even 1 on 1 chats are too much to handle and I wouldn't be able to describe much to him/her.
Phones are also a no-go for me, so text is the only way I feel that I can communicate properly. I guess it is because I have time to formulate a proper response in my head.
I feel I should stop now. Sorry if this post was too long, didn't make any sense or was silly.
