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Hi

G00

Hi, my name is Gav, I'm 26 and I was diagnosed as having Asperges when I was about 13/14.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong area of the forum to write what may become a long story.

I struggled a lot during school and college. Not because of any direct learning dissability, but due to every-day social situations. I was bullied during school and became very depressed, I attempted suicide and regularly self harmed. I never had any friends until I was about 18 when two came along at once.

When I had those friends, my confidence level rose and I was able to live a semi-normal life. I was able to go into town, go shopping and even go to a pub every now and then, as long as they were with me. But they have busy lives now and have moved on, or have become bored of me.

Like a lot of people in a similar situation, I have a few subjects which I am "overly passionate" about. I can talk for hours about World War history and computers.

Luckily I was given a lot of help during my education and managed to get through it with grades and certificates ect. However, when I left education I immediately found myself back to square one.

My jobs until now have been either with family members, or a friend.

For a while I was unemployed and had to visit the job center to try and get some money. It terrified me to go down there and I would always become hot and sweaty which made me feel like I stood out even more. I tried to tell the staff about my Asperges, though I didn't see a dissability advisor until a few days before she left. I was briefly refered to a place for people with dissabilities but again I did not feel comfortable enough with the face-to-face conversations.

I recently quit working with my Dad as he dosen't really understand and was trying to make me do work that I wasn't comfortable doing.

Therefore, I am unemployed again, still depressed and running out of options.

I live my life inside my room, surrounded with computers and other gadgets. I go to the shop a few hundred yards from my house when i absolutely need to, though I live with my Mum and she does the shopping for me.

People scare me. I will go miles out of my way to avoid contact with anyone I don't know or haven't seen for a while. If someone new talks to me my mind goes completely blank and I usually try to smile, nod and attempt to depart from the conversation.

It has been suggested to me that I see a doctor again for my depression (I used to be perscribed a whole range of different anti-depressants, but they always left me feeling worse - since my teenage years I have found other 'methods' to at least stop me from feeling suicidal.) Though I do not feel that I can talk to a doctor, GP or specialist because even 1 on 1 chats are too much to handle and I wouldn't be able to describe much to him/her.

Phones are also a no-go for me, so text is the only way I feel that I can communicate properly. I guess it is because I have time to formulate a proper response in my head.

I feel I should stop now. Sorry if this post was too long, didn't make any sense or was silly.

  • Your situation is completely normal for an adult Aspie, Gav.  Don't beat yourself up or feel inadequate.  The thing is, if you were able to sort out your situation (what's making you unhappy) you likely wouldn't feel depressed, so it's not the sort of depression that anti-depressants can help.  Have you looked to see if there are any Asperger's socialising groups in your area?  The NAS has a section you can search in: http://www.autism.org.uk/Our-services/Residential-community-and-social-support/Support-centres.aspx

    http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/find-nas-services-in-your-area/local-services.aspx

  • Hi Gav

    I'm about the same age as you, though didn't get the AS diagnosis until I was 25.  School was really difficult for me too: lots of bullying and not many friends.  I think that by our age most people seem to have "found their place" socially and it gets very difficult for those of us who haven't to make friends.  Everybody else seems to have a group of friends already, and in many cases partners, and it's difficult to "break in" to one of these (groups of friends, not partners), let alone the fact that it means dealing with a group.  My only friends are people I work with or (in one case) used to work with. 

    Could you type a description of things to show a GP?  I've used emails to communicate with mine a few times, and find it a lot easier than talking to them.  That does require knowing the GP though, so I guess that you'd have to take the document along and just hand it to them the first time.  Perhaps if you wrote something along the lines of "Please read this description of why I am seeing you as I have Aspergers Syndrome and find talking to people difficult" they'd have a difficult time refusing to. Alternatively would your mum go with you to explain things?

    I find doctor's appointments really difficult a lot of the time.  When you go to an appointment you can usually tell that they're rushed, you only have 10 or 20 minutes to explain everything, and it is very easy to be dragged away from what you wanted to discuss or for them to get you out quickly.  I've ended up being "treated" for something completely different to what I went in for before!  If you type you can take the time (somewhere more comfortable than a GP surgery) to get what you need to say down, and then it's just a matter of getting it to the GP. 

    I think that long posts are normal on here, and in any case they reassure me that it's not just me that has the tendency to write loads. :)  I'd better stop now though as I need to get to the supermarket before they close.