Marriage issues

A not so quick intro. Been married for 20yrs, have children, have a good job. I seemly make friends quite easily. I have a life that a many of austistic men would be quite satisfied with.

Apparently I wrong about most of the above.  After several conversations with my wife (which we both discovered I was austistic after being married for a decade) my evaluation of myself and my life appears to wrong. 

My wife feels unloved, and unable to speak with me. Essentially emotionally abandoned.  My kids are afraid of me or don't "like" being around me. And I really only have 1 close friend,  who I can't bring myself to talk too honestly about my situation,  so how close of a friend could he be?

Not sure why I'm writing this. Maybe I'm looking for suggestions regarding how I can draw closer to my wife and kids and how can I deal with this crushing realization that my life isn't what I think it is?