Marriage issues

I've also been married for 20 years, I have one teenage son who is neuro diverse himself, and I hear the same complaints from my partner. Loneliness, lack of connection, problems with communication. It's hard for alistic people to understand that your need for alone time has nothing to do with them, and not engaging in small talk or forgetting to ask about their day, it doesn't mean you don't care for them, and that when you have a shutdown and won't talk to them it's not because you don't love them, it's because you can't.

I had a severe burnout last year and it almost broke or marriage. We had couples therapy and it helped a lot! But we had to find the right counsellor. We started with someone that didn't help us at all, then we found another therapist who had experience with autism and she was absolutely amazing. She served almost like a translator between the two of us. 

I also recommend this book - Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner, by Cindy Ariel. It's a bit out of date - we don't use the terminology Asperger's any more - but I'm our case this book helped a lot. We both read it, it's written for the non autistic partner but it helped me to understand how they perceive us, and how I can try and bridge the communication gap.

In regards to your kids, I'm not sure how to help. My own kid has a lot of issues and I'm still trying to figure out what to do. The only advice I have is that if they see you and your wife as a team instead of opposing sides, they're more likely feel safe and secure, so that perhaps might help in your relationship with them?

Don't give up, relationships are hard work even without the added issues of a neuro diverse couple. 

I hope this helps! Good luck!

I've also been married for 20 years, I have one teenage son who is neuro diverse himself, and I hear the same complaints from my partner. Loneliness, lack of connection, problems with communication. It's hard for alistic people to understand that your need for alone time has nothing to do with them, and not engaging in small talk or forgetting to ask about their day, it doesn't mean you don't care for them, and that when you have a shutdown and won't talk to them it's not because you don't love them, it's because you can't.

I had a severe burnout last year and it almost broke or marriage. We had couples therapy and it helped a lot! But we had to find the right counsellor. We started with someone that didn't help us at all, then we found another therapist who had experience with autism and she was absolutely amazing. She served almost like a translator between the two of us. 

I also recommend this book - Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner, by Cindy Ariel. It's a bit out of date - we don't use the terminology Asperger's any more - but I'm our case this book helped a lot. We both read it, it's written for the non autistic partner but it helped me to understand how they perceive us, and how I can try and bridge the communication gap.

In regards to your kids, I'm not sure how to help. My own kid has a lot of issues and I'm still trying to figure out what to do. The only advice I have is that if they see you and your wife as a team instead of opposing sides, they're more likely feel safe and secure, so that perhaps might help in your relationship with them?

Don't give up, relationships are hard work even without the added issues of a neuro diverse couple. 

I hope this helps! Good luck!