Published on 12, July, 2020
A not so quick intro. Been married for 20yrs, have children, have a good job. I seemly make friends quite easily. I have a life that a many of austistic men would be quite satisfied with.
Apparently I wrong about most of the above. After several conversations with my wife (which we both discovered I was austistic after being married for a decade) my evaluation of myself and my life appears to wrong.
My wife feels unloved, and unable to speak with me. Essentially emotionally abandoned. My kids are afraid of me or don't "like" being around me. And I really only have 1 close friend, who I can't bring myself to talk too honestly about my situation, so how close of a friend could he be?
Not sure why I'm writing this. Maybe I'm looking for suggestions regarding how I can draw closer to my wife and kids and how can I deal with this crushing realization that my life isn't what I think it is?
You've been far more successful with your social life than I have. I'm 63, have never married, and I have no children. Most of my relatives won't have anything to do with me. On the brighter side, I had a largely successful career and was a teacher for 32 years. I am also a professionally trained chef with 5 years of indusry experience.
In terms of your situation, I suspect that you are a good and caring person and that you wrote this post because you want to rectify the situation or to at least begin making amends.
Have you considered marriage counseling for both you and your wife? This would give both of you the opportunity to voice your thoughts and feelings in front of an objective third party mediator. Onxw you and you wife have begun to at least address your relationship issues, you might then have a family meeting to discuss your relationship with your children.
I do not blame you for not wanting to discuss your relationship issues with your friend. Good friends are hard to find and many will sadly shy away from wanting to discuss something as troubling as this. A really good friend would help you through this but the cost of finding out how good a friend you have might be more than you're willing to pay particularly if this person winds up distancing himself from you.
I wish you all the best.