Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I have recently discovered I am autistic and currently awaiting a medical diagnosis. Since discovering I am autistic I have become really aware of how uncomfortable and awkward i feel in social situations even with my closest friends. For example holding eye contact or knowing when to laugh or what to say feels like such hard work. This mentally drains me and i feel embarrassed when i'm then on my own as i overthink how i've acted and it causes me severe upset. I am also diagnosed with depression and anxiety so this really doesn't help which leads me to then just wanting to spend more time alone in my room as i don't want to have to deal with communicating with others.
Does anyone have any advice or tips/hacks for making social interactions less painful? Or any other general advice for a newly diagnosed autistic adult (F21)
Thank you in advance
thank you very much!!
wow thank you thats so smart
These are really good suggestions, I wish i had realized what was up with me years ago, I have spent my life ducking and diving trying to get through, trying to find my own solutions to cope with social situations, anxiety , depression, alcohol problems, ect
Mia151515 said:I am also diagnosed with depression and anxiety so this really doesn't help
Anxiety is often the root cause of the depression so it is worth while dealing with this first. I can recommend 2 books for this:
Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)ISBN 9781843108955An Aspie's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501198
Mia151515 said:Does anyone have any advice or tips/hacks for making social interactions less painful?
Personally I found that understanding the rules around social situations suddenly took the sting out of them - seeing the dynamics at play and understanding it finally helped me work out where I was expected to ask questions, nod in agreement or whatever.
Learning about it won't make you a master of social interaction but it lets you decide when you want to spend energy in creating a discussion, when to back out of a conversation, or decide if an arguement is worth persuing.
The book I used for understanding this is:
The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)ISBN: 9781941765388
If you want to try to really get into the social interaction then the following book gives you all the tools to have the small talk conversations and develop them into more - I was abe to do this but I do it selectively as it does consume a lot of energy. This is a good source book:
How to Talk to Anyone About Anything - Improve Your Social Skills, Master Small Talk, Connect Effortlessly, and Make Real Friends - W. Williams, James (2021)ISBN 195303635X
Note that it isn't aimed at autists so it quite hard going, but it does work if you have the patience and ability to recall info under pressure.
OR - just be yourself and have limited social interation. There is no shame in this and it is a great way to avoid overload.
All I can think to say is that this is normal for us and you are not alone.
Only tip for eye contact that I have is to look at the bridge of the nose because it looks the same to them. (This is masking, but I am not personally against masking completely)
The best thing I ever did was read Marc Segar's book. It's called A Survival Guide For People With Aspergers Syndrome. I think it's online free somewhere. It's quite an old book (hence the title) but it's very useful.