Do you miss a good discussion?

Blimey! Even that got fiery quite quickly. I stopped reading, but Number said this:

"I am a big fan of reasoned argument in discursive format.....but I very quickly learned that 'this place' was not 'the place' for it.  That was a surprise to me (to be honest)...but not a deal breaker to me."

I reckon he's right - this place is probably not the place. That is not to say that there aren't places.

A couple of examples here of how 'a good discussion' can turn very sour very quickly.

I am a 'deleted user' in this one espousing the rights of women even thought it's the 21st century:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/women-and-girls/32011/soft-skills-as-a-female-autistic/296910#296910

and this one was locked but should have been such a positive force:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/30447/queer-community-vigil-solidarity-space

Many threads were locked in the past.

Deleted

TheCatWoman said:

I really enjoyed Pixiefox's AI thread, but so few people seem willing or able to engage with the issues or even ask questions, why is this?

I'd love there to be threads that are lively and topics are discussed robustly, you don't have to be rude when challenging someone's viewpoint, just be firm and say something like, 'I feel that...'

Lots of people have 'engaged with issues' and they've ended up leaving because of the effect of arguments/offensive comments on their mental health etc.

Here's a thread I made (I am the deleted user OP) about the subject:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/32465/arguments-on-the-forum/331823#331823

Bunny said:

For what it's worth, I didn't see it that way at all. I feel it was just a way of politely bringing the conversation to a close. Done out of consideration and care not to upset you or anyone else here, and out of consideration for their own mental health. Maybe try to view it as respectful, rather than dismissive or unfriendly. :)

I agree.

Yellow tree 118 said:

It wasn’t polite or friendly. I was being nice and he through it back at me because he didn’t like what I said. So how can I view it as not that when it is? Can you not see how what he said was unfriendly? If not fair enough.

I think this is a good example of how discussions become heated ...

It wasn’t polite or friendly. I was being nice and he through it back at me because he didn’t like what I said. So how can I view it as not that when it is? Can you not see how what he said was unfriendly? If not fair enough.

Yellow tree 118 said:

By the way that’s not very nice or friendly what you said. It’s quite dismissive.

For what it's worth, I didn't see it that way at all. I feel it was just a way of politely bringing the conversation to a close. Done out of consideration and care not to upset you or anyone else here, and out of consideration for their own mental health. Maybe try to view it as respectful, rather than dismissive or unfriendly. :)

In my humble opinion, some of the people that I know say they like a good discussion also end up being some of the touchiest people that I know. I don't know why it is. I've a good friend who I dare not speak about certain subjects (he became a conspiracy theorist during covid), yet he thinks he's the king of banter. I like this guy a lot, so I just avoid these subjects.

When I was a lot younger, I loved talking about my atheism but I soon realised it was pointless and anger inducing. I realised about politics sometime later. Anti-vax/Covid conspiracies completely blind-sided me and I argued against them for a bit, but soon gave up on a lost cause.

Well sucks it has to be that way. I feel autistic people don’t even understand banter with friends either. They always get defensive when you joke about them. And feel like they’re being bullied. Can’t win man can’t win. If you talk to them your screwed because your a ‘bully’ or if you don’t talk to them then your excluding them and don’t want to be friends with them. So yeh can’t win.

Thats good well I don’t want to hear about the world coming to an end and wars. No offence. I came on here to try and get away from that man. By the way that’s not very nice or friendly what you said. It’s quite dismissive.

I've tried, I get so far then someone gets the wrong end of the stick, loses their paddy, gets told off by the mods, then swears everlasting enmity and follows you around the forum chipping away at you for the next 3 years. 

It's not worth the candle trying "banter" or "discussions" here, (or TBF anywhere on the internet) as it ends up with "bullying" or even "mobbing"  behaviour, REAL QUICK. 

Such things only really work well inside of groups of "friends" or "comrades" NOT in groups of random strangers.

I've always found myself wanting to look at things from a well rounded perspective. So if bias leans one way on a subject, I wanna look at it from the other way to see what that side looks like. It makes me a bit of a contrarian. I've been trying to make an effort to socialise more so I've been trying to be more friendly, but if the subject was of interest, I like to see both or however many viewpoints get examined. Though I tend to prefer sitting back and absorbing another's discussion most of the time.

On (sort of) the subject of Anglo-Saxons, one thing I've always enjoyed are the barbs and jabs people of different nationalities can exchange with each other. I'm talking mostly about Scotland, England, Wales and Ireland, but every state everywhere does it to some degree. I like to think of it as keeping the spirits of our ancestors alive with petty grudges. But I come from the country that fathered the term "Blood Feud", so who should be surprised?

I'm hope I'm wrong about the trouble.  I follow current affairs very closely.

I  prefer to have trusted friends listen to me rather than just anyone.  I hope you understand.

That’s good. I hope you don’t mean to sound like the voice of doom there. But yeh any trouble or chaos that’s coming down the line I hadn’t thought about because I cannot see into the future. Maybe you’re right but I am more worried about the autistic folks on here worrying about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. Nah don’t bite your tongue. Just say what’s on your mind I am here to listen to you. So what if other people don’t want to hear what you have to say just say it anyway as long as it’s respectful. I’m sure we’d all like a bit of banter on here. It gives the place a bit of colour. 

I am not conflict averse at all. I am extremely opinionated. But I have to bite my tongue more for the sake of others and for the sake of myself and my own mental health.

It would be nice if everyone could just get along in the world despite their ethical differences, but that is not the world we're living in and never will be.  Take a look at the Middle East and Eastern Europe.  

There's more trouble and chaos coming  down the line in this country too.

Disagreement is fine. Sometimes you disagree with people though. Why does it have to be a bad thing. I think autistic people can be quite conflict averse. By this I mean they want to get on with everybody all the time it’s not natural though. I disagree with people all the time who cares? It’s totally normal to argue and disagree. What kinda world would it be if you never said anything wrong at all. Because that’s what autistic people want they want perfection. They can’t be seen to have upset someone. Just let it go man. Disagree with me if you want I don’t care. It’s fine. I’m not rubbing along with anyone. I’m fine with everybody on here if there’s a disagreement it can be resolved not the end of the world. Me and Isperg disagreed many times in the past so what? I don’t hold a grudge on him I don’t care tbh. Just do you treat others with respect you don’t have to be perfect. I’m not perfect thank god. Disagreeing with someone is not the same as hating someone or not getting along. It’s part of life. I was at a meeting the other day and everyone was arguing one minute hugging the next this is the unpredictable human behaviour that the autistic brain cannot handle. It’s too overwhelming. You’ve hit the nail on the head here. 

I dunno I find AI boring to be honest

Unfortunately there is a history of severe disagreement on this forum .So often serious subjects are avoided these days.  Many of us are trying to rub along with each other, despite not agreeing with each other.

Migration and cultural interaction and integration are fascinating. The tribalism of our early history, various invaders that ultimately broaden and enriched the culture (once the violence subsided). "What did the Romans do for us?" Etc.

I'm from northern England but my surname is derived from a place in Ireland and my earliest known ancestors were from south western Scotland. So am I a Celt or did the vikings affect my origin. 

The whole bigoted cries of we are Anglo-Saxon, this is our country.Weren't they from what is now Germany, Denmark & Netherlands if my very basic history knowledge is remember correctly. (Certainly not guaranteed)