Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I have posted on here for a while been busy with other things but I’m back now. I wish this was a happy post but it’s not. Last night I had a panic attack because I hadn’t heard from my friend who always says good night to me it’s a comfort thing, he never answered his phone or anything and I got extremely worried I thought he was having another heart attack or something. Anyway my panic attack turned into a full blown meltdown and I just remember screaming and screaming and screaming. Window was open oops I must have been really loud and my neighbours from across the road came over and knocked my door I ignored them and then they shouted Rachel are you ok? I just wanted them to leave me alone. So I tried to hide somewhere to ride out the storm. The next thing then the police come and check on me and I am so embarrassed angry and annoyed that happened. I was fine I wasn’t in danger I just needed to let my emotions out. I explained to the police I was autistic and I was just having a meltdown but they insisted on coming in and checking I was ok. Long story short they left I left the house to get some fresh air to clear my head and my friend contacts me apologising for the late good night. I don’t know how to deal with my neighbours I’m so embarrassed to bump into them and my friend isn’t happy with me because I freaked out he is also on the spectrum.
Thanks for your comments I just feel embarrassed and I understand they thought I was in danger. If I see them I will speak to them I just hope they haven’t contacted my dad as he moved away to live with his new partner and my mum passed away a few years ago. I also spoke to one of my other friends on that is also on the spectrum and he is a boxer and he recommended I buy a punch bag and I put it in the spear bedroom and when I’m about to have a meltdown to just attack the bag until the storm has passed.
That is actually a brilliant idea. I like that you have been proactive about it.
I don't know if you have read Fern Brady's "Strong Female Character". She is a very funny Scottish comedian. She eventually found out she was autistic, but her journey started because she wanted to know why she kept smashing her furniture. I really recommend this book - I loved it.