Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey guys I don’t get this I have went to autism groups for years and it is literally impossible to make friends with someone with autism. I have a friend who is autistic but they don’t even feel like a friend. Conversations are all one way my way. They just have generic responses to everything they have no opinions at all about anything. I find this really boring to be honest I want friends that will have an opinion and disagree with me now and again. Is this common for autistic people to be like this? I don’t know why I am not like that? I have opinions about everything and anything. I attended my autism group for the last time last week and it was a very strange experience indeed. I felt a bit uncomfortable as some of the autistic folks there it seemed like they were staring at me coldly or something. Yeh it was really weird. Is this normal? I mean I feel like I only look at someone briefly then look away and think about what I am going to say then talk then look them in the eyes when they are talking but no this guy was straight up staring at me for some reason. I didn’t say anything because he probably didn’t mean it. It’s just the way he is I suppose. I don’t think he meant any harm. But it was kinda weird at the time. Then I knew another autistic person that just straight up ignored you and acts legit stupid all the time. Are they doing this because they don’t like me or is it because that’s just the way they are? Anyway I am done with autistic groups. Yall on here seem alright but I dunno it’s just like all the autistic people I meet in real life just come across as complete a**holes for some reason. Forgive me they could just be really anxious and not mean to act like an a**hole all the time. But how would I know because they never tell me that they are anxious instead they just act like this towards me all the time and it makes me angry. Any help helps?
Yeah, I'm afraid I can relate to the other people in the group you attended as being misunderstood. Part of why I struggle being in groups - social/business/whatever - is because I'm invariably obsessively self-conscious of doing anything that can be misinterpreted, as is most likely the case when I obsessively try to analyse every possible movement and variation in time/space. The 'flat face' may come into play here and, in my use of it, it is certainly not directed against anyone. Just where my eyes happen to focus on while my brain races off to make the neurological connections at a billion mph. Then inevitably the data captured by my eyes and brain meet and I realise I'm staring so I go out of my way to ignore that person because I've convinced myself that they are being made to feel uncomfortable and quite possibly wish I didn't exist. Then I 'reset' but feel that if I turn my attention to the person who I've 'blocked out' in my head, it will not be understood the way I understand it after trying to 'start again' and everything just becomes a big old f*** up. ♂️
I'm sure that this bizarre summary of bizarre brain activity resonates with fellow autistics. Though if not, perhaps it is just me.
Off to the local pub now to stare into space and contemplate existence, alternately hoping that someone approaches me/that no-one approaches me. Like a weird version of Trigger from Only Fools and Horses.