Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey guys I don’t get this I have went to autism groups for years and it is literally impossible to make friends with someone with autism. I have a friend who is autistic but they don’t even feel like a friend. Conversations are all one way my way. They just have generic responses to everything they have no opinions at all about anything. I find this really boring to be honest I want friends that will have an opinion and disagree with me now and again. Is this common for autistic people to be like this? I don’t know why I am not like that? I have opinions about everything and anything. I attended my autism group for the last time last week and it was a very strange experience indeed. I felt a bit uncomfortable as some of the autistic folks there it seemed like they were staring at me coldly or something. Yeh it was really weird. Is this normal? I mean I feel like I only look at someone briefly then look away and think about what I am going to say then talk then look them in the eyes when they are talking but no this guy was straight up staring at me for some reason. I didn’t say anything because he probably didn’t mean it. It’s just the way he is I suppose. I don’t think he meant any harm. But it was kinda weird at the time. Then I knew another autistic person that just straight up ignored you and acts legit stupid all the time. Are they doing this because they don’t like me or is it because that’s just the way they are? Anyway I am done with autistic groups. Yall on here seem alright but I dunno it’s just like all the autistic people I meet in real life just come across as complete a**holes for some reason. Forgive me they could just be really anxious and not mean to act like an a**hole all the time. But how would I know because they never tell me that they are anxious instead they just act like this towards me all the time and it makes me angry. Any help helps?
Look, guys,
From what I read hereabouts most of you lack acquaintances, let alone friends, let alone good friends.
MOST "Friend making" is done in childhod with another spurt in adolescence, and a sort of refining process that goes into your thirties, and you don't tend to make many afterwards is my observation as an older dude keenly interested in the subject.
However; Now I've told most of you how screwed you are by normie standards I.E. anyone over thirty, there are plenty of people who are able to violate this "norm" by means of fortune, or charisma, or great physical attractiveness, or some other attribute that I did not get...
Yet I have friends!! (and some good friends too)
I see it as a numbers game:
Get a large pool of acquintances, business customers, radio control club, rambling club, "whatsup" web group, anything that looks like it might offer a framework that makes strangers manageable, and just practice being nice and gettting by.
Manage that and eventually a friend or two will emerge. Give it a month and see if anyone looks like they could be a "friend", if you haven't "caught one" by then quit and try a different group or situation. Make sure that you are definitely getting something out of the situation other than "an opportunity to find friends", such as a wage or enjoyment or excercise etc.
From many acquintances come a few friends, and from a few friends IF YOU ARE LUCKY one or two will turn out to be "good friends".
I recommend a book in my bio that will help enormously in the technical/psychological task of keeping ones friends as long as possible. I've managed 52 years so far in one case...
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I've been trying for some 18 months now to build a self filling "pool of acquaintances" that works better than the "friends" feature alone, by offering a "zoom film night". ANYONE is welcome, please try and bring your "friends" and if anyone fancies themselves to be a critic, get yerself a Film Night complaints thread going here and have at it.
You are all going to watch a load telly anyway or the internet, alone, why not watch my film with others of your type, then talk about it the day after?
I've screened a good quality film every week for over 18 months now, despiet almost no-one coming I think I've proven it's not me seeking an audience for my own gratification, (although If I didn't have a regular audence of one, who really loves it, I would have quit) I'm trying to do a useful and NICE thing, for exactly the people on this thread.
I preach being "nice" and sometimes being "nice" means that you have to put on a film for more than 72 weeks at the same time, and try and get an audience and keep failing to learn from the experience. JUST in the hope that you might help a bunch of strangers.
All you need to do is watch my film using zoom with your mic shut off (video is up to you) and we swap rooms every 40 or so minutes and allow enough time for a "Pee & Tea" for the average person who isn't dilly-dallying before resuming the film.
Obv leave if the film doesn't appeal, there will be a different one from a different genre next week, if anyone attends 4 weeks without seeing a film they enjoy, THEN you've earned a right to have some input on the selection process...
When there's just the two of us, we tend to start with our video on and yakking a bit between ourselves, maybe even start the film late, (who cares?) which did prove a bit too much for one member who arrived "unexpectedly" but she has promised to return some time, possibly with a "friend", pre-notifying me that you want to attend prevents that. Either start a thread, or send me a P.M.
Tomorrow my client (who is a real world GOOD FRIEND) has requested a "pink panther" film, he wants one of the ones with Bert Kwouk, and since I haven't got a copy of "Frozen" yet, that's most likely what he will get. He is my friend and panders to my intermittent need to "vary the plot".
Tea and me do not mix as when I drink tea I pee A LOT lol