I've recently been diagnosed as autistic, after being self diagnosed for about a year. Im on day 3 of my new job that is working from home, but im already greatly struggling just through the training which is 11 days long.
on my first day there was ice breakers where we had to pick a number and answer questions on the spot e.g. my absolute worst nightmare. i instantly had a panic attack and freaking out about it and got into such a state. i was able to privately message the trainer and informed him of my autism and i answered the questions just to him - which was bad enough but better than in front of the whole group. i feel so silly for not even being able to do something as simple as an icebreaker, especially since everyone else is so chatty. i know they might not be behind the screen.
before i accepted the role i was unemployed for a while, but i was employed for about a year as a barista but i was only doing one or two 5 hour shifts a week around university. i really struggled just with doing that, i was constantly having panic attacks and calling in sick, and towards the end of my employment i had fit notes for anxiety which lead me to quit.
now i have finished university i cant rely on the fact im studying and therefore have to work full time in order to financially support myself. i was hoping that a break from work for a while whilst i found a new job would help me, but i think its made it worse especially since ive been diagnosed with autism.
since starting the training for my new job im quickly becoming overwhelmed with all of the information and roles of the job (the offer letter and job description was quite vague) and im already sitting at my desk anxious all day trying to take all of this in. i dont know if its just because its a new job, or because im already feeling and knowing that i wont be able to do the roles and responsibilities. as ive learnt so far, the job entails a lot of socialising (which i wasnt aware of) and making decisions that dont leave room for mistakes. im starting to freak out with the responsibility and pressure of it.
i just feel so stuck, i feel like this job was already my last resort as i really struggle with working in social environments, so i thought working from home would suit me more. i want to be able to financially support myself, but i know if i push myself itll only make things worse and ill struggle twice as hard. sorry if most of this is rambling, i just am in such a mess over this and just want to talk to people who will understand and have experienced similar struggles.
