Starting a new job

I've recently been diagnosed as autistic, after being self diagnosed for about a year. Im on day 3 of my new job that is working from home, but im already greatly struggling just through the training which is 11 days long.

on my first day there was ice breakers where we had to pick a number and answer questions on the spot e.g. my absolute worst nightmare. i instantly had a panic attack and freaking out about it and got into such a state. i was able to privately message the trainer and informed him of my autism and i answered the questions just to him - which was bad enough but better than in front of the whole group. i feel so silly for not even being able to do something as simple as an icebreaker, especially since everyone else is so chatty. i know they might not be behind the screen. 

before i accepted the role i was unemployed for a while, but i was employed for about a year as a barista but i was only doing one or two 5 hour shifts a week around university. i really struggled just with doing that, i was constantly having panic attacks and calling in sick, and towards the end of my employment i had fit notes for anxiety which lead me to quit. 

now i have finished university i cant rely on the fact im studying and therefore have to work full time in order to financially support myself. i was hoping that a break from work for a while whilst i found a new job would help me, but i think its made it worse especially since ive been diagnosed with autism. 

since starting the training for my new job im quickly becoming overwhelmed with all of the information and roles of the job (the offer letter and job description was quite vague) and im already sitting at my desk anxious all day trying to take all of this in. i dont know if its just because its a new job, or because im already feeling and knowing that i wont be able to do the roles and responsibilities. as ive learnt so far, the job entails a lot of socialising (which i wasnt aware of) and making decisions that dont leave room for mistakes. im starting to freak out with the responsibility and pressure of it. 

i just feel so stuck, i feel like this job was already my last resort as i really struggle with working in social environments, so i thought working from home would suit me more. i want to be able to financially support myself, but i know if i push myself itll only make things worse and ill struggle twice as hard. sorry if most of this is rambling, i just am in such a mess over this and just want to talk to people who will understand and have experienced similar struggles.

  • thank you so much i will definitely look into all of these!

  • Hi Ems,

    Please give your self time in your new job role because I do think we take longer to process things and need more time for tasks and changes as well.

    The advice about reasonable adjustments in the work place is a good idea and you can also contact access to work as they can provide different types of support and advice. You can do an online application to Access to Work and also give them a call to explain the type of in work support you need.

    Also look up maximus as they can help with things like anxiety in the work place and give some support.

    Also Scope Support to Work is an excellent source of support and help. It is worth giving them a call or doing a self referral.

    Really hope some of this will be helpful to you

  • im really struggling at the moment during my training with unclear and undirect instructions, i feel so lost and am struggling to follow along as its like a training group on teams. i have 8 more das left of training and really trying to see it through so at least i can get paid for it, but not sure how much more i can take. im getting really overwhelmed with the tasks and instructions. im getting more anxious since ive looked at the agenda and theres a training assessment at the endSob i already almost quit on the spot after the icebreaker on the first day

  • Thank you, Ems. I work from home a lot and still really struggle. I'm getting better at making sure I have clear instructions, as lack of clarity really stresses me out. I have an ADHD diagnosis as well, so I also really struggle with focus and prioritisation. 

  • i’m sorry to hear that but i’m glad you’re working somewhere now that you have adjustments

  • thank you! i feel like there’s not going to be many adjustments available as i work from home

  • Hi Ems. What you have described is 100% relatable to me. I'm 42 and was only diagnosed last year. A few weeks into my current job, I told my employer that I'm autistic. We worked on a reasonable adjustments plan. I appreciate that I'm very lucky, though it hasn't always been like this. In my previous job, I was told off for not socialising enough, despite me trying *really* hard to socialise and do the job that I was being paid to do.

    Under the Equality Act 2010, you're entitled to reasonable adjustments. I know that raising this early on in a new role can be challenging, but I hope it's a conversation you can have sooner rather than later.

  • im scared to say i need help or more time because i dont want to be an inconvenience and seem stupid - the embarrassment, shame, and anxiety of asking for help and then being given help is so overwhelming and too much for me that i just avoid it and will suffer and struggle to myself. 

    The story of my life.

    Please do some reading up about reasonable adjustments. I wish I new then what I do now would have saved me a lot of angst over many many years.

  • I have told my trainer who is acting as my boss until the training period is over. im not really sure on what to ask for or how to ask, especially since socialising is becoming a huge part of the job, as well as navigating all of these different websites and links. im scared to ask to slow down or have more time to go over things as i am part of a training group and dont want to delay anyone, but also dont want to spend unpaid time going over things. without revealing too much personal information it is working within a sector of government in customer service. i feel like it is my own fault for applying and accepting a job in customer service, when i know i will have to socialise, but i didn't know the extent of it. im scared to say i need help or more time because i dont want to be an inconvenience and seem stupid - the embarrassment, shame, and anxiety of asking for help and then being given help is so overwhelming and too much for me that i just avoid it and will suffer and struggle to myself. 

    i dont know how to ask or what to say about what kind of disability support they could offer - if that is even something i could do.

    thank you for replying i really appreaciate it. since my diagnosis i have been feeling lost and lonely as i have no one to talk to , let alone talk about autism with.

  • Hi!

    First of all, congratulations on getting a job. That is a huge achievement although it may not feel like it currently. 

    Firstly, does your boss know that you are autistic? If not, it can be helpful to disclose at this stage. 

    It sounds like you are being very overwhelmed by the number of different roles and responsibilities. It is within the realm of reasonable adjustment to ask if you can take things a bit more slowly, particularly where your disability is an extra challenge, such as the social stuff. It is also acceptable to ask for a bit more support with the decisions, while you learn the rules to make the decision. 

    I would recommend you try and get through the really overwhelming bit, it is likely once you finish the training and the new information things will get a bit easier, especially if you get some support with the bits that are more difficult. 

    New jobs are always difficult. But I hope it will get better, and we're always here if you need some extra advice about specific responsibilities.

    Hope this has helped.