Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I am 29 but had a pretty big meltdown over the weekend at my parent's house and I am feeling very embarrassed, guilty and ashamed.
I ran out of the room and laid on the floor in the living room crying and saying I don't want to do things and that I'm a horrid person. Mum and Dad then persuaded me to go back to bed but I felt like I wasn't really in touch with myself as I remember crying in bed and ignoring Mum when she spoke to me. I didn't mean to ignore her, I just couldn't process what she was saying but she got more overwhelmed and upset as I just blanked her.
On Sunday I was really slow to do anything and felt like I needed to hide as I felt really guilty. I returned to my flat and spent the whole evening in bed.
I had a thought about what set this all off:
1. I have been having IT problems and I hate change and when things 'break' even though they're not really broken.
2. I watched a programme with Mum and Dad which had animals in cages which upset me.
3. A pop up came up on my iPhone on the web browser and I was worried I had broken it.
I am feeling a lot better today and Mum and Dad drove to my flat with some cakes and we all had a chat which was nice, I said sorry too but I am so upset with myself and know this is likely to happen again in the future even though I will try really hard not to let it happen.
I am feeling very tired and unsure what to do next. I feel like I need to stop using technology completely to avoid triggers but Mum says that I can't stop using technology like my phone as you need one this day and age and she's right.
Any advice would be really welcome as I'm feeling lost. I don't want to keep punishing myself for what happened over this weekend, but I also feel too tired to mask.
Hi, sorry to hear about that. It is impossible to stop meltdowns (or shutdowns) when you're on the spectrum, but it might be possible to put a few things in place to try to mitigate this.
You seem to have anxiety around using your phone. Your mother is correct in that it's a good idea to have a mobile phone, but we don't need to be connected to the internet every moment of the day. I dislike smart phones and I have turned the internet off on mine, so it's just for calls and to text if needed. I use a tablet or laptop at home when I choose to use the internet, but I don't take them with me when I go out.
Don't punish yourself for what happened - put it in the past and try to focus on something you would enjoy doing.
Thank you very much. I do have a lot of anxiety around technology. ️