Published on 12, July, 2020
I always struggle with this. I find it incredibly difficult to say anything but the truth. But this means that sometimes I imagine I get viewed a little odd as it may come across as what other people call “oversharing” and therefore potentially not socially appropriate e.g. you may not tell the person you met at the gym your physical health problems. I take things very literally which ive learnt over time can cause problems socially and lead to me feeling very misunderstood. For example, when someone asks me a question I literally tell them the answer because that is the truth. I don’t know how to answer a question which is not the truth because then it would not be true.
For example, I have a long list of odd symptoms after getting covid 2 years ago. But if someone asks me what I do for a living or how my day was I literally cannot lie. I just tell them the truth. I try to keep it generic so I don’t tell them my whole life story. The issue is people start asking more questions. So if I say “oh I’m not working atm as I haven’t been well the past 2 years” rather than respect that, they then ask me “oh what’s wrong” to which I begin to tell them all health problems post-covid. Or even worse if they ask “oh what did you do before you got sick?” I then cringe and don’t know how to answer that as I cannot and do not want to say “oh well I was misdiagnosed for a DECADE in the mental health system in hospital with a mental health condition I didn’t have and I was finally diagnosed as autistic and then I was due to leave hospital but I got covid for the first time whilst waiting for accommodation and then I spent the next 2 years acutely unwell I thought I was going to die so I haven’t actually been in work” ………
I’m not sure if I’m making sense or not and this is just 1 example but I really struggle with navigating conversations without telling people my entire life story and then panic that they think I’m weird and judge me and I leave feeling vulnerable and hating myself….not sure if anyone else can relate? I really find talking to people difficult, I really just do not understand how other people know what to say, when to say what and who to say what to….
The truth will set you free. You have to modify your behaviour around NT's though. If you desire their acceptance.
Thank you for your reply. I guess that’s what I find difficult - I spent my whole life masking trying so hard desperately for people to like me and doing just that - modifying everything about me to try to appear NT. but around 5 years ago I just stopped masking and ever since no matter how hard I try, I literally cannot do it anymore. In a way I wish I could so that I wouldn’t be in these sorts of situations - at least less of them. I’m not sure if I want their acceptance. I think I prefer being my most authentic autistic self. But I am aware that if I am, then I am often left feeling ashamed and self hatred
Often life is just about finding the right people. These other people don't have to be neurodiverse but they have to accept and love you. In my experience I can often stay loyal to the wrong person for too long. That's something to watch out for.