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Is it “oversharing” or is it not just simply honesty?

AutismRox

I always struggle with this. I find it incredibly difficult to say anything but the truth. But this means that sometimes I imagine I get viewed a little odd as it may come across as what other people call “oversharing” and therefore potentially not socially appropriate e.g. you may not tell the person you met at the gym your physical health problems. 

I take things very literally which ive learnt over time can cause problems socially and lead to me feeling very misunderstood. For example, when someone asks me a question I literally tell them the answer because that is the truth. I don’t know how to answer a question which is not the truth because then it would not be true. 

For example, I have a long list of odd symptoms after getting covid 2 years ago. But if someone asks me what I do for a living or how my day was I literally cannot lie. I just tell them the truth. I try to keep it generic so I don’t tell them my whole life story. The issue is people start asking more questions. So if I say “oh I’m not working atm as I haven’t been well the past 2 years” rather than respect that, they then ask me “oh what’s wrong” to which I begin to tell them all health problems post-covid. Or even worse if they ask “oh what did you do before you got sick?” I then cringe and don’t know how to answer that as I cannot and do not want to say “oh well I was misdiagnosed for a DECADE in the mental health system in hospital with a mental health condition I didn’t have and I was finally diagnosed as autistic and then I was due to leave hospital but I got covid for the first time whilst waiting for accommodation and then I spent the next 2 years acutely unwell I thought I was going to die so I haven’t actually been in work” ………

I’m not sure if I’m making sense or not and this is just 1 example but I really struggle with navigating conversations without telling people my entire life story and then panic that they think I’m weird and judge me and I leave feeling vulnerable and hating myself….not sure if anyone else can relate? I really find talking to people difficult, I really just do not understand how other people know what to say, when to say what and who to say what to….

Parents

  • I can totally relate to that. Personally I will keep saying the truth, because it is something I also value a lot and kinda wish from other people, but I know the issues it can create.

    I would not say its oversharing, maybe I would have given a more superficial answer like "I wasnt able to work due to health issues". If there is a question I do feel like its not a good thing to be honest I will say "I do prefer not to answer the question" or I distract with a different topic, but I will not lie. I feel its important to me not to lie so I try my best not to do it. But I find it very nice that you are so open to people as it of course also makes you vulnerable. I only take that "risk" with people I know a little, but it wasnt always that way. Used to be an open book.

    I dont find feeling weird a negative feeling per se. It just shows you are different. Everyone is different, nobody is the same, so we are all kinda weird as everyone has an own "normal". Thats at least how I see it. Dont hate yourself. Be happy that you are actually an honest person that is having the courage to open up to people.

    Worst question for me is "How are you?". My head keeps spinning here. I wonder in such a case how to know how I am. Is it my health, my private life, my work? I cant just sum all up so I never know what to answer. Usually I feel balanced.

Reply

  • I can totally relate to that. Personally I will keep saying the truth, because it is something I also value a lot and kinda wish from other people, but I know the issues it can create.

    I would not say its oversharing, maybe I would have given a more superficial answer like "I wasnt able to work due to health issues". If there is a question I do feel like its not a good thing to be honest I will say "I do prefer not to answer the question" or I distract with a different topic, but I will not lie. I feel its important to me not to lie so I try my best not to do it. But I find it very nice that you are so open to people as it of course also makes you vulnerable. I only take that "risk" with people I know a little, but it wasnt always that way. Used to be an open book.

    I dont find feeling weird a negative feeling per se. It just shows you are different. Everyone is different, nobody is the same, so we are all kinda weird as everyone has an own "normal". Thats at least how I see it. Dont hate yourself. Be happy that you are actually an honest person that is having the courage to open up to people.

    Worst question for me is "How are you?". My head keeps spinning here. I wonder in such a case how to know how I am. Is it my health, my private life, my work? I cant just sum all up so I never know what to answer. Usually I feel balanced.

Children
  • in reply to NAS95419

    Thank you for your reply. I am glad I am not the only one. I agree with you that I respect honesty. For the most part people I meet do respect my honesty. I find because of how transparent and honest I am with people (unintentionally, like I say, it’s just the truth!) I find they too in return are honest and open with me. The main issue atm is navigating the conversations that are more one off where people do not know me yet and will not get to know me due to the situation. 

    thank you for the suggestions. Yeah I do say that I can’t work atm due to health and leave it at that but I hadn’t thought of the whole thing of telling them I don’t feel comfortable answering questions so thank you for the suggestion. I will keep that in mind for the future. I find it hard to think oF these things on the spot. Now I feel silly that I hadn’t thought of that until you said… like I say, my brain just goes to the truth. 

    I agree I wish everyone would just accept us all how we are rather than see it as “strange” or “oversharing” or whatever but unfortunately at least my experience is not this. 

    I completely agree - I really do not understand the “how are you?” Question at all. I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand why someone asks this when they don’t actually want to know and also what I’m meant to say- like you do they mean my health or my work or ???