Published on 12, July, 2020
I always struggle with this. I find it incredibly difficult to say anything but the truth. But this means that sometimes I imagine I get viewed a little odd as it may come across as what other people call “oversharing” and therefore potentially not socially appropriate e.g. you may not tell the person you met at the gym your physical health problems. I take things very literally which ive learnt over time can cause problems socially and lead to me feeling very misunderstood. For example, when someone asks me a question I literally tell them the answer because that is the truth. I don’t know how to answer a question which is not the truth because then it would not be true.
For example, I have a long list of odd symptoms after getting covid 2 years ago. But if someone asks me what I do for a living or how my day was I literally cannot lie. I just tell them the truth. I try to keep it generic so I don’t tell them my whole life story. The issue is people start asking more questions. So if I say “oh I’m not working atm as I haven’t been well the past 2 years” rather than respect that, they then ask me “oh what’s wrong” to which I begin to tell them all health problems post-covid. Or even worse if they ask “oh what did you do before you got sick?” I then cringe and don’t know how to answer that as I cannot and do not want to say “oh well I was misdiagnosed for a DECADE in the mental health system in hospital with a mental health condition I didn’t have and I was finally diagnosed as autistic and then I was due to leave hospital but I got covid for the first time whilst waiting for accommodation and then I spent the next 2 years acutely unwell I thought I was going to die so I haven’t actually been in work” ………
I’m not sure if I’m making sense or not and this is just 1 example but I really struggle with navigating conversations without telling people my entire life story and then panic that they think I’m weird and judge me and I leave feeling vulnerable and hating myself….not sure if anyone else can relate? I really find talking to people difficult, I really just do not understand how other people know what to say, when to say what and who to say what to….
You are making sense. I have puzzled for some time about the term "over-sharing". I understand what it means, however, there is subjectivity at play - which bothers me that sometimes the way non-Autistic people deploy it insists some person gets to decide over another person what "the rules" are to be obeyed. Sure, there are sensible guard rails to learn and practice for your safeguarding ...and yet, sometimes the dictatorial and judgemental overtones can impinge on Autistic culture.
I say that as; I have both lived in different international cultures and often worked among personnel drawn from many cultures. The World is a wonderfully diverse place.
There can be international cultural differences of e.g.: acceptable levels of enthusiasm, outward demonstrable exuberance, sociably acceptable speech volume outside of home, the topics of conversation with company, and the off-limits (or surprisingly not) lines of personal questioning - to list but a few parameters.
I have enjoyed living, working and learning alongside people of very different styles, conversation content and habits to my own. I did not tell them off for their differences.
Too much to ask / expect / demand / legislate that points of difference within Autistic community could and should be viewed, accepted, respected and celebrated likewise?
Thank you for your reply. I completely agree with what you have written regarding it being subjective. I honestly don’t feel it is “oversharing” as at the end of the day it is reality and the truth. But you are right in that I guess there are unwritten social rules. Something I know nothing about. I agree with what you have written. I wish more people were as open minded as you