Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel like an outsider here, my experiences seem very diferent, my interests different, the things I do or don't do are different. The books I find helpful or not are different. Most of you seem like lovely people, so I'm not having a go at any of you, but I just feel like I don't really belong here with the rest of you, I don't feel like it's imposter syndrome, more like I stick out like a sore thumb because of some of the above. I feel like I'm irritating people because of my differences, here I feel almost as much of an outsider as I do in NT company.
Actually Cat Woman, you and Alienated Human are the two people I feel closest to on this forum, and I really appreciated that you both welcomed me back after my break away from it.
I also enjoy hearing about your interests and your views on things. We are all different and it's great to have a mix of people. I know you're not into technology and computer games, but not everyone is, and although I do enjoy playing some video games I am also interested in lots of other stuff.
Keep chatting to us
Thanks Pixiefox, I think it's that I'm not into the techie stuff, that the things I'm totally incompetant at are the things many here seem to excel at and the things that I'm good at everybody else seems to look a bit askance at. There's a whole set of things that have completey passed me by, like headcannons, I'd never heard of that until I came here.
I wonder if it's anything to do with age and when we were diagnosed? I feel more kinship with you and a couple of others who were diagnosed later in life and had had to cope with a life where we didn't fit in right and had to cope? I do feel theres a difference between those of us who were diagnosed later in life and our younger neurokin. I think our younger neurokin, now they're adults are finding that there's even less help out there for adults than children and don't where to turn and this creates a dissonance where there should be none.
I'm also feeling that jut being autistic isn't quite enough, that there's some growing competitiveness over how many other conditions such as ADHD that can be tacked on in a "my diagnosis is heavier than your's" sort of thing. It's reminding me of when as a much younger woman trying to get help for having been physically abused in childhood and people kept asking why I hadn't been sexually abused? It's like wasn't being beaten enough? I think I'm afraid that I will feel the sort of pressure again to either shut up and think myself lucky or to invent or hyper expand something into more than it is for the comfort of other people so as I can get scraps of help from their table.
Sorry I know this is a bit rambling, but I hope it makes sense?
Being yourself is enough - and I think the joy of this community is that we can hopefully be unapologetically ourselves and (hopefully!) not be judged on here. I read lots of comments on here that I don’t relate to, but also loads that I do. I don’t feel the urge to judge others on here because I feel as autistic people most of us have been through a lot of struggles in our lives and the last thing we need is more judgement and criticism. Not everyone will agree with us or understand us - but on here we share being autistic and I feel a lot of solidarity when I talk to other autistic people - and I really value that.