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Need help understanding neurodiverse partner

NAS94922
1 month ago
  1. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 9 months. He’s very bad with dates and is often not that organised, this doesn’t necessarily bother me as I understand he struggles with this kind of thing and I don’t mind being the main organiser. However, recently he came back from a trip earlier than he expected, we haven’t seen each other in over a week. I asked him if he wanted to hang out earlier than the scheduled time we had (about 4 days later) and he said that he’d be too tired - I assumed this was a social battery thing and didn’t press further. However, he then mentioned that another friend had asked him to hang out and he was probably going to do that. 

  2. This is very confusing to me as in my NT brain if I hadn’t seen my partner in over a week and I was able to see them earlier I would take that opportunity. I am also confused as to why he is prioritising his friend in this situation - my NT brain automatically assumes he’d prefer to hang out with him than me, but he tells me all the time that I’m his priority and that if he had the choice between hanging out with me or other friends he’d choose me every time. His actions aren’t reflecting his words. If we had seen each other a couple days before this I would be completely understanding but we haven’t. So I guess I need help understanding why his ND brain thinks this way? I’m not upset with him, I just want to understand him better.
Parents
  • 1 month ago

    If it’s possible (and you feel comfortable with this)  I’d suggest a very calm and totally non confrontational conversation with your partner about this. I think that if there is trust and lots of good will between you you can hopefully have enough openness to ask your partner about this. Not in a ‘I’m annoyed’ kind of way, but more in a ‘I feel a bit unsure and would like to understand things more to help our relationship be happy’ kind of way. 
    As long as your partner doesn’t see the conversation as a criticism then hopefully he’ll understand why you need a little bit of reassurance on this. Hell probably easily be able to put your mind at rest and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore. Good luck :) 

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  • 1 month ago

    If it’s possible (and you feel comfortable with this)  I’d suggest a very calm and totally non confrontational conversation with your partner about this. I think that if there is trust and lots of good will between you you can hopefully have enough openness to ask your partner about this. Not in a ‘I’m annoyed’ kind of way, but more in a ‘I feel a bit unsure and would like to understand things more to help our relationship be happy’ kind of way. 
    As long as your partner doesn’t see the conversation as a criticism then hopefully he’ll understand why you need a little bit of reassurance on this. Hell probably easily be able to put your mind at rest and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore. Good luck :) 

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