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Need help understanding neurodiverse partner

NAS94922
1 month ago
  1. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 9 months. He’s very bad with dates and is often not that organised, this doesn’t necessarily bother me as I understand he struggles with this kind of thing and I don’t mind being the main organiser. However, recently he came back from a trip earlier than he expected, we haven’t seen each other in over a week. I asked him if he wanted to hang out earlier than the scheduled time we had (about 4 days later) and he said that he’d be too tired - I assumed this was a social battery thing and didn’t press further. However, he then mentioned that another friend had asked him to hang out and he was probably going to do that. 

  2. This is very confusing to me as in my NT brain if I hadn’t seen my partner in over a week and I was able to see them earlier I would take that opportunity. I am also confused as to why he is prioritising his friend in this situation - my NT brain automatically assumes he’d prefer to hang out with him than me, but he tells me all the time that I’m his priority and that if he had the choice between hanging out with me or other friends he’d choose me every time. His actions aren’t reflecting his words. If we had seen each other a couple days before this I would be completely understanding but we haven’t. So I guess I need help understanding why his ND brain thinks this way? I’m not upset with him, I just want to understand him better.
Parents
  • 1 month ago

    Maybe when his friend asked him to hang out he didn't feel he could refuse - this might be the case if other friends have deserted him in the past for not doing what they expected. He might feel more secure in his relationship with you and more comfortable saying he would prefer to still see you at a later time as planned. Or maybe his friend suggested doing an activity that interests him, that you aren't interested in, and he felt that doing that activity would be relaxing. 

    I'm just guessing here though - best way to know is just to ask him.

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  • 1 month ago

    Maybe when his friend asked him to hang out he didn't feel he could refuse - this might be the case if other friends have deserted him in the past for not doing what they expected. He might feel more secure in his relationship with you and more comfortable saying he would prefer to still see you at a later time as planned. Or maybe his friend suggested doing an activity that interests him, that you aren't interested in, and he felt that doing that activity would be relaxing. 

    I'm just guessing here though - best way to know is just to ask him.

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