My Wildlife holidays.

iv come back home iv not long come back. it went better than I thought it would. she didny say anything and treated it as a normal day and so she didnt put me under preassure  at home. with care home and home I dont like talking about my care home with my family. when I go home I keep them both seperate and for neither to interfere  with the other so that helped aswell

when i go home the rules there are different to my care home. my care home makes new rules alot which i dont like. if you have rules they need to be the same as when you start.  but the rules at home are usualy the same and are the same as they have allways been mostly they dont usualy change much year to year so theres more consistancy and  im most familer with them more than anywhere else and its more predictable and consistant  compared to the ones in my care home.

my care home has there own  rules and my My Mum has her own rules   so when i go home i can get away  from a envirement im not happy in since i  run into lots of diffucultys on lots of  other levels besides just noise and things  and alot of them caused by and  due to the way the care home works for me.

 the envirement at home is also normaly more tolerable noise level is more predictable  on a more daily basis than the care home aswell. i also dont have much  interaction with people. as close as i get is going out on a trip wildlife watching or something where there may be people out and about.

at home though i have my sisster and brother and the dogs.  cause i like the dogs and my family do aswell  i socialise more. cause the dogs are there i socialise longer and more often than I would do if they wernt there   then i have other family I see sometimes.  at home I get along with dad better than Mum and have more in common with him than Mum  so spend alot of time with Dad and the dogs while Mum does stuff. 

when I stay at home for nights say  more than a week then i begin balacing my time with them with time on my own not spending too much time on my own cause I want to see my family and the dogs. not spending too much time with the dogs or my family othereise i get overwhelmed from being with people even though there my parents and also i have a problom where i dont like being on my own when Mum and Dad go out the room cause they arnt with me so  i usualy acidently spending too much time with them or too much time on my own before sucessfuly balancing the two abit more.  

me, Mum  and Dad went to the cemetry but i couldnt take pictures since it was drizzly and I had wilber in one hand and my drink in the other hand with nowhere else to put it so I dont have any pictures for the other trips thread 

No rush for the holiday posts, but I am looking forward to when you can post about them.

The thing that I always notice with your posts is the similarities that I have too - even though our lives are so different.

• I would not want people coming into my room without permission. I hope that the staff remember these boundaries
• You are very good at knowing about all your sensitivities. I have similar ones (I have to go downstairs when my wife uses the hair dryer every morning, for example). But I didn't know that I had them and spent many years being anxious and not knowing why. I wish that someone like you had been around to explain this stuff to me all those years ago. My wife only wears perfume now when it is a special occasion.
• The more anxious that I am, the less likely I can do a task. Even ones that seem simple to other people.

Even with the short notice, I hope that you have nice time with your family today.

iv had a very unpredictable day today.  theres been more staff than normal recently which I sometimes find stressful.

 the reason for it is that I get nervous when I see lots of staff members in the staff room or walking about 3 staff members i can just cope with 4 or 5 is then considered a proper group however and my mind cant keep track of all the staff members about.

thing is aswell as my hypersensitive hearing i can also be very sensitive to visual stimuli too and it tends to make me want to stay away from them alot.

movement about the house can be overwhelming for me also. 

visual stimuli is also one of the reasons  i eat on my own usualy rather than with others iv allways done this since i was a child I dont usualy cope well eating with other people.

i run into many probloms  and people like to talk and they struggle to involve me in conversation and only talk to others,  I often get left out etc so also the social side of things this happens with not just my family but other people also and dont like people coming in when I eat.

 I also dont like people coming into my rooms either particularly if and when  without permission so i set boundarys about coming in to rooms when im on my own in them  as for me its a place to be on my own away from other people 

 in general I usualy spend lots of time to myself  or in my room thats just me but i tend to retreat to my room more under stressful circumstances. scent can also be a big problom as my nose is also hyper sensitive also i can smell scent from inside my room even with doors closed 

one of the residents squirts perfume in the hallway downstairs. as for home my dad  puts perfume on or other spray. 

my Mum puts stuff on that causes a smell which makes it hard for me to be near her when she does and they make my nose run or block and give me headaches. it also triggers reactions like anoyance, anxiety, and avoidance.

aswell as noise related stimuli smell has also prevented me from doing certain things including things that are part of my routine cause i have to wait until somethig is not noisy, or theres no smell or theres no people going up and down the stairs and in and out of the kitchen too much and if i happen to find myself in the middle of it end up having to cover my nose and mouth until i get to my room or kitchen or whatever.

with noise i run up the stairs to my room as fast as possible and then theres people the more people there are the more of an issue these things tend to be. theres been alot more staff than normal recently and also someone turned up to fix something this week and i wasnt told anything about it which caused comfusion so alot of things have been going on 

and with more things to deal with along with the whole thing for my social worker situation as good a thing as it is. it is  naturaly is  also causeing me anxiety it has made it diffucult for me dealing with things in combination with all the un predictability and stresess.  this hasnt been noticbable to others in the house as im very reserved with my emotions but all the many things going on hasnt helped and definatly doesnt help even more when you also have a mood disorder and history of depression and an anxiety disorder then I got  the compulsions aswell which I have been struggling with.  t cause of alot of things going on.

 I have had to ask one of my support workers if she can phone the doctor and increase my mood tablet for anxiety, depression, and mood. im not dperessed just to be clear  its just the anxiety and mood side of things due to lots of things. obviously it doesnt help when your in a care home that you arnt happy in and find to be unsuitable for you and would like to leave it but of course there are is alot of things i have to deal with other than just that and  noise levels. i havnt mentioned that as my hearing tends to be more of a challange than with smell and visual stimuli comeing second and 3rd in order.

  with all the anxiety im exsperiacing at the moment it can all  add up so iv asked staff if they can phone the doctor to increase my mood tablets the staff member has said she will do it on Thursdsy and im hoping she will do cause im only taking one mood tablet at the moment and im hoping my idea might help me  with all the things going on as it can make it diffucult to cope particularly when you have lots of things going on at once. 

but hopefuly after iv gone home and after  iv finished the list at some point this week hopefuly by Sunday and when and if my social worker sees the reasons i list for her and understands the reason for needing an alternative acomodation and I send it in time and with hope things turn out better than my anxiety is worried about like things not working out after all the years iv been working towards leaving here and things work out  and things  get moving hopefuly i will be less anxious than i have been recently. 

of course I had the whole issue with the over sensitive filter for 3 days which probably didnt help matters but the moderators did help and sort it out in the end and  there has been alot of things going on for me  and since iv been back from my wildlife holiday so its mostly that but when everything has calmed down with all the stuff going on  I will be doing my holiday then i havnt forgotten about it its jusr that i need to wait for things  sort themselfs out and wait until things calm down for me 

also iv found out when im going home this week. Im aparantly going home tomarow. for some reason Mum didnt tell me when she usualy does so I only found out cause the staff member checked and thought they would clarify saying and your going home tomarow isnt that right? im more anxious about it cause i was anxious about and now iv just found out out of nowehre its tomarow so it gave me a surprise and also left me with  barely much time in the day to process everyhting cause it just came out of nowhere this evening.  im hoping  Mum doesnt mention or preassure me about  the list when I go home since thats what im very anxious about  

SpikeyMark said:

It was nice that the moderators emailed you.

it was actualy and they got back by Monday. cause alot of apeals got lost a few got missed and only come up cause of time running out to apeal them cause i didnt see them but would of apealed to if i spotted it some  of the apeals that got lost i have had  to keep apeal to today whenever one came up at certain times of the day today   but cause the moderators sorted the problom out i can still post and the filter isnt picking on me anymore now 

I posted this last night just before bed but had some thoughts when I was trying to get to sleep.

My hearing is not as good as yours, so I do not get this as badly as you, but do get it with sound. Restaurants and social situations are particularly bad because not only because there are people present but because of the multiple conversations going on at the same time. It is very hard to separate them.

I know that sight can be troublesome for me. Like the older fluorescent tube lights would flicker in my peripheral vision (that is when not looking at directly), and things like seeing flies darting around randomly will drive me mad.

That's really interesting. Another person here can hear very low frequencies. I think you feel low frequencies in your body, because of how sound works (air pressure). My theory is that we find it hard to filter out sounds. It's not that other non-autistic people don't hear them, but they just don't notice them. Sometimes I feel lucky, other times I don't and don't like it.

 I wondered weather you or or others might be interested in hearing more about  my exsperiance with my noise sensitivaty that is part of my autism and how it afects me in my day to day life other than the ways iv already described so iv added this seperatly rather than adding it on the other post 

im very very  in tune to sound around me to the point I can hear things most people cant and hear things at very low frequesys. the  low frequencys are (over) heightened to the point of   over sensitivaty also called hypersensitivaty. it afects your normal every day life and so can cause sensory overload. noise from everyday things are at frequencys  louder to the point it can afect you and others which is why of course people tell me un helpful things in fustration yes but its not normal amoung othets which iv literaly been told by dad and amoung other people before for instance. for me with mine  it also means i can feell vibration from sounds go right through my body or other objects.  any sounds in every day life so for example  even peoples voices and the dogs barking i have had interactions where i feel the vibration of there voice go right through me when they speak in a certain tone and a certain pitches  even though they havnt spoken loudly as such.

sometimes people find it unusal but its cause I hear things that are  lower frequencys at higher frequencys  which is why even lloud sounds can be 20 times louder than for someone without hypersenitive hearing and why at the same time im able to hear sound frequences lower than most people can ususaly hear well. 

my brain also procesess words continuously when used in my envirement sometimes voice can be more of a distraction than words or sometimes words can be more distraction and sometimes both just as equaly 

I think I will be ok for now im hoping to get it finished for Sunday.  cause im not comfortable with showing Mum im hoping she just sends it off. im also hoping she doesnt continuously remind  me or  preassure me even if she means well  to finish it when I see her whenever that is.

cause usualy preassure has the oposite of the desired effect that people want and tends to have a rebound effect. where  either it ends up less efecient or effective than it would of been or I get discouraged due to the preassure.

usualy its best when my parents leave me to what im doing and let me show them when iv finished whatever it is but they do have a tendancy to put me under preassure cause they get worried and think im never going to do something. I had this when It came to my laptop and m6 cause i had a certain day to do it by but Mum kept asking have you done it yet are you going to do it yet contantly which became a distraction and due to my hypersensitive hearing being over senitive to noises 

for noise is general and blocking it is why I  cant block it even causual talk everything just goes strait through and theres no filter I can hear everyone and everything even if i dont want to and theres no way of shutting it out  so  I cant block any noises out at all and cant ignore people or dogs or  other background stimuli so when she does talk at all or repeat things or anthing or distract me with distracting words like you need to do this today which then causes a distracting emotion 

it then caused  me to take longer or get distracted from whatvever i was doing and things like that  even though we had all day so im hoping when I do see her whenever that is she doesnt get like that cause when she gets stressed when I only have a week or less than a week to finsih something it doesnt help and in some cases causes me to get fustraited and delay until later when she does that but I dont know when im seeing her though and hopefuly it goes better than what happened with my laptop and m6 cause this is even more important 

OK.

I hope that this is good for you. I know that you have thought about it all a lot already.

That's nearly a week. Will you be ok doing this? If you want some help to get your thoughts into bullet points, then I can try.

It was nice that the moderators emailed you.

the update is that the Social worker has messaged Mum and Mum let me know what she said she

asked could you ask him to let me know exactly why he is unhappy at the care home, why he wants to move to alternative acommodation and what he hopes to achieve with the move? 

please can he and you, let me have any responses by Monday 21st October and we can then exsplore further 

so then Mum said you have to produce the list and  I will send it to her before Monday 

so I got until Monday and Mum is going to send it to her before Monday 

I thought I should let you know that I got an email from the moderators about the problom and comfirming that they have resolved it 

I got the message from the moderators an hour ago 

they said 

I also have another update on the social worker thing aswell 

thats ok. with the lichen  Iv corrected the word  bottom one to the word   top one.

cause that is the photo I was refering to with that one 

I knew that you would be able to help me. Thank you! 

it is cinquefoil or Tormentil the exact species I cant say without a closer look at the leafs and stalk and things cause there are alot of very similar species of Cinquefoil and Tormentil but its one of those 

the top one is Reindeer lichen 

I took these pictures in the New Forest at the weekend because I am curious to know what they are. I am hoping that Zo knows.

This was strange looking stuff that looks like it comes from other planet, or underwater. (My eyesight is poor, and I didn't notice the fly on it, or the waterdrops around it until I put it here.)

We saw some of these teeny tiny yellow flowers. They were not clumped together - they were mostly by themselves. They are colour of Buttercups, but are much smaller and have that cross shaped petal arrangement.

just checking in my message sends 

thanks. iv been unable to comment cause of the over active spam filter and iv been waiting since Friday for them to be apealed so havnt been able to respond 

just checking if my message will send or not 

im still waiting for my posts to be re instated and have been uable to comment anywhere most of the day yesterday. just seeing if im still being picked on by the spam filter