So how long does this "acceptance" sh*t take then?

Finding some (or being given some) missing pieces to a jigsaw puzzle and just putting them in the box with the other pieces, doesn't enable a picture to emerge.

There is work to be done, if you want to see the picture.  Sometimes, after that work, you find that the emergent picture is nonsensical, upsetting or plain boring!......but perhaps you are looking at the picture upside down or sideways....perhaps there is too much "glare" on the glossy surface, and you need to change the lighting......perhaps you just hate jigsaws !

Stuff takes time.

Like you, I wanted an instant solution, or at least to be directed quickly to the right path to find the answer(s.)  My personal experience suggests that "time" is the right path.....but it isn't the easy one!!

You make a VERY important point in your post......that as time ticks by, things can definitely get harder before they get easier.  I hope you can find the stamina and fortitude to keep going on your quest for an "easier/better" life.

I wish you well JamesB.

Bunny said:

Speaking in general terms, I tried very hard to find the right antidepressant for myself, but failed to find one that fitted my needs and/or didn't cause intolerable issues with side effects. I'm currently finding good benefit from medical cannabis, so this might be something to consider if you haven't yet done so.

Initially, I got all the unwanted side effects from cannabis when I started using it, but it still helped me be more sanguine and stay out of trouble. 

It can be scary adn frignetening on occasion, being stoned, but at lest with cannabis, no one has actually been able to O/D on it yet, so the (100% effectve) antidote to any bad effects for me is to simply lie down and sleep it off.

It DOES reduce your "will to win", which in trun translates directly into a refusal to accept stress or any of the other other forms of NT bull-puckey which is both good and bad, but certanily is a change I see in most if not all regular cannabis users.

Now I need my hands, this bifta won't roll itself...

Yikes Mr T. That sounds very much like a case of unfair/illegal treatment. My employer is a big company forever blowing various trumpets about the efforts they go to to support racial, gender, physical diversity in the workplace. Despite claiming the same for neurodiversity they really are a bit clueless. I am walking a bit of a tightrope between carrying on, and pushing them to act on their words. It sadly boils down to what it might cost them to 'accommodate', versus retiring off troublemakers.

I appreciate that it may not seem like much in the way of consolation, but it can be entirely normal for us late-diagnosed adults to feel more emotionally dysregulated in the periods following our diagnosis than we did beforehand. There's some info about that here: 

Common reactions to receiving an autism diagnosis

Rather than overwhelm you with a long reading list, I'd like to just recommend two books that I found (and am still finding) very useful in the immediate aftermath of my own diagnosis.

JamesB said:

Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy

For this, I strongly recommend The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy - Paperback - 21 Feb 2024 - by Steph Jones

"In this candid, witty and insightful exploration into therapy, Steph Jones uses her professional and lived experiences as a late diagnosed autistic woman and therapist, as well as consulting therapists from across the world and tapping into the autistic community, to create the ultimate autistic survival guide to therapy."

This helped me to request and obtain counselling (rather than therapy such as CBT, which I'd tried previously) with an ND-experienced counsellor. Unlike previous efforts, I'm finding this very helpful - which is not to say that other types of therapy can't / won't help you or others - we're all wonderfully different :) 

But I should also add that I wasn't yet ready, at four months post diagnosis, to start it. I very intentionally waited a little longer until I felt that my internal turmoil (including anger, frustration, etc) had calmed down enough that I could approach it in a constructive and focused enough way. 

For general tips around various aspects of life and work that are presented in a very easy-to-read, pick and mix format, I recommend Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! - Hardcover - 25 April 2024 - by Dr. Megan Anna Neff. 

JamesB said:

the right antidepressant to 'sort me out'

I been chasing this goal myself recently. The rules here (rightly) don't allow us to offer medical advice and direct us instead to recommend seeking professional advice. Speaking in general terms, I tried very hard to find the right antidepressant for myself, but failed to find one that fitted my needs and/or didn't cause intolerable issues with side effects. I'm currently finding good benefit from medical cannabis, so this might be something to consider if you haven't yet done so.

For me, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of a starting point than a solution-rich conclusion. It's a journey - and my post-diagnosis reactions have settled down a lot, some 10 months or so later.

I hope that some, at least, of these reflections and suggestions might be helpful for you. 

Forget "acceptance" you'll never get it. Try "servitude" instead.

Because, when my Autistic Army is fully formed and operational we will MAKE THEM SERVE US!!!

Nothing else will do. 

The key (maybe only true) advantage really to the diagnosis is certainty about why you struggle, why most public environments are disabling to you while most actively thrive in them etc. And then letting it give you permission to stop making unfair comparisons or trying to fit in. It lets you start getting cleverer about what you will and won't do, how you will interact, letting go of guilt over needing rest and recovery that an NT prson might see as laziness etc. A thousand things will subtly change for you in time, but the basic fact of 'this world will not change overnight for me' remains in place. Depending on how open you want to be about being autistic, you may find that it gets you greater accommodation and understanding from some, though certainly not all, colleagues, friends, services, etc. For me that biggest thing was feeling validated by an official 'diagnosis', as my self-esteem wouldn't let me claim the identity for myself without external confirmation. For others, self-diagnosis works for them. The destination is the same. No magic bullet 'solution' (or, hopefully, desire for one - after all that's just conformity), but everything makes more sense and that's kind of priceless.. isn't it? 

Sorry I cannot answer your query fully. I was diagnosed over a year ago now. I struggled with grief, yes I did say that, of what's and if's in my previous life. Just like grief it takes time to reframe your life past and present with regards to autism. I still do not fully accept it and frequently suffer from periods of impostor syndrome. I am currently struggling with work. I am in a holding position whilst my manager tries to force me out by making out I am incapable of doing the job I have done for the last 30 years.. My autism and the fact that I had the audacity to ask for reasonable adjustments, is being used against me.

I wish you the best of luck in your quest. Be kind to yourself there is a lot to process for us late diagnosed adults. There is no real support to guide you except places like here.