So how long does this "acceptance" sh*t take then?

Servants are great, when they are well motivated!

In extreme cases they can be made to fight each other to the death, for the edification and entertainment of one's Youtube Viewers...

.

I was diagnosed last year at 49. Huge rollercoaster of emotions, angry, the unfairness, embarrassment, finally understanding all of my issues. I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. I’m still me. If anything I’m kinder to myself when I f&*$% up. I actually think I’m way more adhd than asd and I want to explore a diagnosis this year. I didn’t even contemplate adhd until it was mentioned on my asd diagnosis. 

You’ll get there. 

I can totally relate. I’m in my mid-fifties and was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago. My brain is a trash fire right now. My immediate family have been great, the couple of people I’ve disclosed too have been kind of dicks about it. Uhane’s advice downthread has been quite helpful about forgiving other people, but advice only ever gets you so far. I think we all have to find our own way. The one thing I’ve learned from this forum (prepare for attack of the blindingly obvious) is that autism affects us all different ways, so other people’s experiences as helpful, kind and useful as they often are don’t always apply.

I wonder if there’s value in asking yourself what peace looks like? (At the risk of sounding like a U2 song) What it is that you’re looking for? Apologies if this all sounds pretty bland and self-evident.

When I used to go out socialising on the gay scene, I hated the loud music in gay venues and I hated the feeling of being “tipsy” as I was no longer in control and it was the same with being “high” on one drug or another, so much a part of the gay scene - music at full volume in a gay venue or at a gay pride event does nothing to promote real understanding, because meaningful conversations are prevented from taking place and the programmed narrative of the gay agenda is being relentlessly pushed - an ever increasing number of gay people feel the same way 

Well that neatly describes my weekly counseling session!!

shake rattle and roll,  baby!

I was diagnosed in January at the age of 53 so i completely recognise where you are coming from. I have been through a grieving period but i do feel i'm coming out of that. Try to celebrate the small wins whatever they may be. Knowing & understanding yourself better can only be a positive over time. 

I definitely grieved post diagnosis as i don't want to be Autistic, i am learning to live with it now. I completely recognise everything you have written

Probably........or at least, possibly !

Sometimes it's like a Wasjig and the picture on the box isn't what the image of the puzzle is but it's what the people on the box are looking at from their perspective.

I'm sure there's a metaphor in this somewhere

Acceptance of the self not seeking from others, if you do that you're on a hiding to nothing, I think people are drawn to those who accept themselves, you have to be careful though as there are 'a lot of assholes looking for a human being to attach themselves to'

Servents are a pain in the bum, it ends up easier and quicker to do things myself rather than have to explain the minutae of what I want done and how I want it done to people that don't have two brain cells to bang together.

There's loads of stuff in that that makes my shelves resonate...

Fwiw....binaural beats....are VERY important to keeping me sane, some days. It is interesting (sister) that you mention this.  Thank you.

You extend the metaphor VERY appropriately.

On a broader, "off topic" tributary of thought....I have come to understand that I can communicate my truth (with clarity,) best, via metaphor.

First we accept ourselves.

They we find love for ourselves as we are.

Then we forgive everyone else and let them off the hook.

Now I prescribe for you some binaural sound therapy you can do on your own. Use headphones, flat EQ settings.

Here's a link.

Try it out of an afternoon and see if it doesn't help.

– before you play this - install an ad blocker extension to your browser! It needs to not be interrupted!. – and DONT do it while driving!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fps2bqFV5nM&ab_channel=GoodVibes-BinauralBeats

binaural sound therapy has helped me enormously.

You can also buy these. The Monroe Institute in Virginia has been working with autistic people for decades. they are the ones who first developed the binaural therapy. – (aside from Mongolian throat singers and pacific islander's choral traditions.)

I will attach a screen shot of the extension I use on Firefox, but there are ad blockers for all browsers.

I like the puzzle metaphor.

sometimes the box is missing or there is no picture to refer to!

It's a grieving process.

Denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. And not necessarily in that order. 

I'm 8 months in, and no two days are the same. I'm starting to unmask a little. And I'm trying to be kinder to myself and take one day at a time. I do worry about my future though. 

I wish you well x

Tulip52 said:

I am making an effort to connect with other neurodiverse people.

Just for info x

Its hard! I am making an effort to connect with other neurodiverse people. These are who i want to be with. 

I have been coming to terms with being Autistic and having ADHD, for the past 16 months. Its a relief, but its still hard. One step forward, two steps back. No 2 days the same. Some good, some not so good.  I do definatly see the wirld differently, i have realised. So we have to find what is "right" for us, what is good for us. Tired, and overwhelmed. What should i do? Where should i go? The feeling of not belonging has been with me all my life. So swimming is good for me. I go alone from chouce. In the water i feel nothing. Sleep is lovely. Not depressed, despite being orescribed Antidepressants all my adult life. They just numb evetything. Dealing with lifes challenges is exhausting. 

Having said all this, i have reached acceptance and dropped my mask which is liberating. Inner peace, i feel sometimes. I cant battle anymore. Im 60! 10 years off 70! 

Make effort for what you recognise is good for you.

Whats it all about? 

I think we can be our own therapist. There are no quick fixes. Tired, tired, tired x

Orange juice and vit C in general are good for stopping a whitey, or at least leaving you managebly stoned. I find cannabis helps me too, one of the best things for me is that unlike other drugs you can decide just how much you need at a time. Being allergic to all pain meds except paracetamol, the stuff is a life saver.

A will to win is a bit of a luxury to my mind, to my miind acceptance is better, constant striving is exhausting and so many people are never content no matter how much they achieve.

JamesB, I was 50 when diagnosed, no diagnosis or type of drug is going to make you instantly better, or certainly not for anything more complicated than a headache. For me diagnosis gave me a starting place in yet another round of trying to fix myself and I realised that I was fixed, but that I needed some internal adjustments. I stopped trying to "be like everyone else" and just started being fully and authentically me, I dropped my masks, maybe a bit to quickly, as I had to look at each one and find out what they were for, now I can pick them up and put them on according to the situation, but most of the time I choose not too.

I think the inner peace comes from acceptance, acceptance of who you are and acceptance of others being who they are and not being attached to outcomes you have no control over. It's not easy, it's hard, you've had 48 years of being this person who thinks they're not ASD, now you've had 4 months of being the same person but with ASD, don't you think you're being a bit hard on yourself? Accepting isn't the same as giving up, it knowing that the path you thought you were following has sort of petered out and you have some new paths diverging from it and you get to choose which one to take. I can't tell you what the paths are, they're you're paths and you have to explore them for yourself.