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Is ambiguity worse for you than rejection?

HMO

As a member of the community of people unable to read minds and pick up on social cues (!), I find someone not telling me where they stand on a particular thing to be worse for me than if they outright said yes or no.

E.g. if I expressed interest to meet a friend for the first time, and they just completely went silent, that is more torturous and excruciating than if they came back and said "thanks for the offer but no thanks" (or words to that effect).

Parents

  • With the example you have provided, it would drive me crazy if there wasn't even an, "Can I sleep on it and get back to you?" Complete silence would be likely to result in me thinking that the idea didn't appeal to them (for whatever reason), and that maybe they were worried I would be upset or take offence if they turned down the invitation.

    In that situation, giving someone a clear idea of where they stand strikes me as common courtesy.

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    Complete silence would be likely to result in me thinking that the idea didn't appeal to them

    I confess I sometimes give the radio silence treatment but this is because I lack the bandwidth to make a decision on it, or have other things on the go that are likely to influence the decision and focussing on them will give an answer sooner.

    Sometimes you just need to learn to be patient - you are not the only thing in that persons life so you don't know if they have time to process an answer for you.

    I'm not criticising, just explaining how I see it.

  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    Sometimes you just need to learn to be patient - you are not the only thing in that persons life so you don't know if they have time to process an answer for you.

    That is true enough. However, telling someone that you would like time to think about an invitation of some kind and will get back to them in due course surely isn't that difficult... is it?

    I know that if I'm on the receiving end of invitations that appear to come from out of the blue, it can really throw me. Therefore, it's not uncommon for me to say I need time to think about it before I can commit myself to making a decision.

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  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    Sometimes you just need to learn to be patient - you are not the only thing in that persons life so you don't know if they have time to process an answer for you.

    That is true enough. However, telling someone that you would like time to think about an invitation of some kind and will get back to them in due course surely isn't that difficult... is it?

    I know that if I'm on the receiving end of invitations that appear to come from out of the blue, it can really throw me. Therefore, it's not uncommon for me to say I need time to think about it before I can commit myself to making a decision.

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