• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 100 subscribers
  • Views 553 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Is ambiguity worse for you than rejection?

HMO

As a member of the community of people unable to read minds and pick up on social cues (!), I find someone not telling me where they stand on a particular thing to be worse for me than if they outright said yes or no.

E.g. if I expressed interest to meet a friend for the first time, and they just completely went silent, that is more torturous and excruciating than if they came back and said "thanks for the offer but no thanks" (or words to that effect).

Parents

  • With the example you have provided, it would drive me crazy if there wasn't even an, "Can I sleep on it and get back to you?" Complete silence would be likely to result in me thinking that the idea didn't appeal to them (for whatever reason), and that maybe they were worried I would be upset or take offence if they turned down the invitation.

    In that situation, giving someone a clear idea of where they stand strikes me as common courtesy.

Reply

  • With the example you have provided, it would drive me crazy if there wasn't even an, "Can I sleep on it and get back to you?" Complete silence would be likely to result in me thinking that the idea didn't appeal to them (for whatever reason), and that maybe they were worried I would be upset or take offence if they turned down the invitation.

    In that situation, giving someone a clear idea of where they stand strikes me as common courtesy.

Children
  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    Complete silence would be likely to result in me thinking that the idea didn't appeal to them

    I confess I sometimes give the radio silence treatment but this is because I lack the bandwidth to make a decision on it, or have other things on the go that are likely to influence the decision and focussing on them will give an answer sooner.

    Sometimes you just need to learn to be patient - you are not the only thing in that persons life so you don't know if they have time to process an answer for you.

    I'm not criticising, just explaining how I see it.

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Yep. Even considering the person's own anxiety etc, I think it's disrespectful to not let the person know. 

    Okay, if the person is blatantly horrible and abusive, then that's a separate thing, but if it's someone who's actually trying to be nice, then it's a massive slap in the face.