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Is ambiguity worse for you than rejection?

HMO

As a member of the community of people unable to read minds and pick up on social cues (!), I find someone not telling me where they stand on a particular thing to be worse for me than if they outright said yes or no.

E.g. if I expressed interest to meet a friend for the first time, and they just completely went silent, that is more torturous and excruciating than if they came back and said "thanks for the offer but no thanks" (or words to that effect).

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  • in reply to JD-on-sea

    I struggled with it a lot. My thinking was to simplify it - we're either friends (i.e. immediate circle, you're someone I trust) or just acquaintances. The "work friends, school friends" etc stuff was just confusing.

    I try and be as open with people as I can, but I don't rush into friendships. I don't let myself force anything anymore.

  • in reply to HMO

    I sympathise with this frustration. I have a small group of close friends. When I meet new people, I’ve always found it hard to distinguish between people who are going to be acquaintances and those who are potentially close friends. I understand the difference intellectually, but when I meet people I like I just don’t know how they see it. I’ve been ghosted and dropped by lots of people I thought were going to be good friends. No idea what I did or didn’t do - certainly nothing outrageous.
    I know I’ll never be able to read things like NT people so I now accept that and am more prepared to be dropped by new acquaintances so it doesn’t bother me as much. If they turn out to be good friends that’s great but I can’t change who I am. It is their loss, even though it doesn’t always feel like that, and at least I still have my small group to rely on.